Well, I hate to say it but I totally forgot to write in my blog! What a good blogger I am! To be honest, I get little sleep...still after 5 months (nearly 6) of her life she still has a hard time sleeping longer than an hour, which makes for a tired and busy person. My little angel doesn't really take long naps...prehaps 1/2 hour, so I have little time to do what I want to do since my son rarely takes a nap at the same time. I do however get an hour or two after they're both in bed before I have to run up to stuff a binky back in her mouth.
So, that being said, I suck at writing on here! Anyway, sleep issues aside, I have had some interesting dreams since I don't tend to get that deep sleep I really need, I get dreams instead. I had a couple of an old friend recently, and I've had a few bad dreams (probably because I watch shows like Grimm right before bed). But all and all I'm hoping and praying for the night when she'll sleep like an angel the whole night and then both kids will wait until 7 to get up. I tend to get a wake up call from my oldest at 5:30 or 6. No extra sleep for this chica!
I have survived this deployment thus far, but I have to say it sucks. I'm burnt out now. The daily grind is really starting to grind into my mental and physical endurance and wear me down. To be honest, I would love nothing more than to sit in front of the tv with a few of my favorite shows or new movies, a pint of ice cream, and not have to worry about a crying baby. My son was never this bad so I think I was just spoiled then. Anyway, it's been a challenge these last few weeks. And I have a sore back most days...actually it's kind of tingly because I'm holding a baby all the time and it's overworked. It reminds me of my crew days when I had to have electro therapy for a muscle issue.
Today was a day when I just needed to write. Even if no one reads this, I needed to say something. I have a lot of feelings going on right now. I miss an old friend. I am exhausted physically and mentally. I miss my husband. I miss my family. I wish I had some "me time." I want to just let go and go party downtown, but obviously can't. I want to get in shape (although I did weight one pound under what my goal weight is so that is awesome!) and I just want to feel like I can breathe. I think the last deployment was hard, but I was able to do things for me and I was able to keep going, but this deployment leaves me with barely a moment to think and feel for myself and it's simply the hardest thing to deal with sometimes. I've had many scream into a pillow days simply because I have no way to release stress. Hell, I'm lucky if I even get a shower with out a crying baby, let alone a nice relaxing bubble bath. Either way, life kinda sucks now. The only great thing in it is my beautiful kids and their smiling faces. But I have to say, my little girl screams like a banshee and it hurts my ears. Her volume is set on max and even when she just wakes from sleep she screams pretty loud. There's no gentle sound from that one. That also wears me out. My blood pressure has to sky rocket multiple times at night simply from waking to her crying.
Well, here's hoping that in the next month my angel stops waking every hour and lets me get at least 3 hours of consecutive sleep. And speaking of sleep, perhaps I should go to bed now. It's 9:30 and I might be able to get an extra hour in if I go now. Hmmmm. Better go brush my teeth instead of indulge in another glass of wine. Until tomorrow wine, computer, and blog. Here's hoping I remember!
