Being a "single mom" sucks!

Ah the joys of single motherhood.  Well, sorta single. There are times in my day when I just say to myself (or the crying baby) "this is a time when it would sure help to have your dad here."  Usually it's because I'm in the middle of doing something with my toddler or cooking, or even trying to workout or shower. While I do enjoy some of the solitude I get....pshhh wait, solitude, HA what is that?!?!  Yeah, today (or was it yesterday, they all run together) I was in the middle of cleaning a poopy fanny and the baby decided she wanted to wail during the middle of the diaper change.  (We're still working on potty training, regression sucks, but hopefully with no new changes we should be getting somewhere!) Then there was the "lets see how many times mom can run up and down the steps while giving my older brother a bath and needing to stuff the binky in my mouth" bit. That was a fun cardio workout. At least I can say that I'm much better at climbing the stairs quickly with out feeling out of shape anymore. Man, those stairs were killer when I first got back to my house after giving birth and being with the family for a few months in a one story ranch style house. Anyway, there are just some times when "me time" would be awesome. I guess this right now is as good as it gets. My boy is in bed and the baby is sleeping until about 10 or 10:30 when she'll want fed again...or until she decides she wants to move from her current location. I have a hard time trying to figure out what to do at night. Part of me wants to do nothing and zone out while watching mind-numbing tv, while the other part says "get off your butt and workout." Then there's the "lets see what's on facebook and maybe I got an email" or "I should just go to bed, but then again I have a project I want to finish....sewing or bed....sewing or bed????"  Who knew what precious little time I would have to myself. Sadly I still need a shower and it's freaking hard to accomplish that this time of night because I never know if my baby will wake and cry. I do take lightening fast showers that way though. The other day I had no more than squirted shampoo in my hands then she started to cry. Needless to say that was the fastest shower ever and then there are some days when I'd LOVE to sit in the tub with some lavender bubble bath that I have, but I know it's a fat chance in hell that I'd be able to calm down enough to sit in there until I look like a prune. Oh well. I suppose I won't always be stuck in this spot. And let me tell you, when my husband has reclaimed his role as daddy...I'm taking a vacation!! Ok, well not literally, but I am planning on handing over some diaper duty and saying "deuces" as I go out the door in my spiffy running gear to get a good run in. There's a lot I think you take for granted when you have someone else to help raise two kids, but when you're on your own, man the simplest things can be a challenge. Today I was so happy that I actually got through walmart without any major issues (that is if you don't count the screaming toddler I had in the cart as I was in the parking lot trying to walk into Walmart). Well, the countdown continues as my single motherhood shall come to an end, but until then I better put my big girl panties on and be the best freaking mom I can be! 

People that make us who we are and teach us what to be

Today I am sitting here as my son and daughter sleep (at the same time!!!) and thinking about all things that have come to be in my life. I've just spent the last 4 months with at least one if not all of my immediate family (husband excluded) and now I'm left to determine my own strength. Today I watched my husband hit the deck three times during a skype call as his base in Afghanistan got bombed while my toddler ran around playing with his trains and my daughter slept in her infant swing. And by the end of the call we were just talking about how funny our son is as he played in the bedroom wrapping himself up in his sheets and rolling around.
Everyday I'm so thankful for what precious gifts I have in my family and friends and each day I'm reminded as I look through photos and facebook statuses of those I've lost or those who I used to know well and now only see in the occasional message or fb update. I know that I have been blessed to have the life I have. As challenging as it may be now, I know that this makes me stronger and gives me the strength to soldier on and keep my kids happy and safe. The worst part of my day so far is just trying to get my toddler to poop on the potty, but in other places people are being bombed, people are dying, and lives are being shattered.
I'd like to say I don't "facebook stalk" people by looking at my friends photos. They are my friends and I'm sure they do the same to me every once in a while. But, I do occasionally like to look at my friends photos and see what is new in their lives and review what's been going on via their photo "diary" that is facebook's numerous display of photos arranged by date. I look back at my photos and I see college friends, trips, family, major events, and even sadness in the fact that there are some people I don't get to see often enough or even at all anymore. I do have to say one thing, in review of my life and all that has gone on and those who have been in it, it is those people who have shaped me into what I am. One person takes funny random photos and I try to remind myself that when I'm out somewhere and the opportunity presents itself, why not take that silly photo. Laugh at yourself, be free of the worry of what others think. I also see the people who gave me life, who shaped me into the human being that I am and whom I love more than life itself. They have given me the chance to make something of myself and guided me along the way to ensure that I will be confident and strong. Then I see those who have been the object of my affection as of late. My husband who has made me a strong, independent woman and given me two beautiful children, and my children who have been the light of my life and the source of my smile since they came into this world. I see the friends of days gone by and wish they were near to have a drink with or share old stories of the "good ol' days."  Never have I felt so rich as when I think of all the people who have blessed me through the years. Even in hard times I had those who lifted me up to support me and make me smile and those whom I have lost have made me realize the true value of friendship. Oddly enough it seems the two most important friends I had in my life have both gone on. While I have tried to reconnect with one, the earlier days of our youth are gone as is the closeness we once shared. And the other is a sad story that for the both of us, it was better to part ways, breaking each others heart. Life is a journey of ups and downs. Sometimes you take two steps forward, sometimes you take two steps back, but if you can enjoy the journey and reflect on how you got where you're going then you have lived and are better for it. I still have much to live and I plan to enjoy it to the fullest. I plan to embrace everyday with renewed interest and see what path will be laid out before me. I only hope that those who have helped shape my life and look back on me and think that I helped shape theirs. I hope that everyone in my past and in my future can enjoy life and look back on theirs and say it was a life worth living.