This week I've been house sitting for my in-laws. And in doing so I've been there with my daughter and dogs. The two Britts are there at the in-laws because they would undoubtedly give my parents three tiny dogs a heart attack with their abundance of energy and relentless pursuit of playmates. I've enjoyed the solitude of this house since I'm the only adult and my little one takes some good naps, but I have to say I'll appreciate being back in my own home when I get back. I love visiting with parents and spending time with everyone, but it can be cramped adding four beings to a house that already has two people and three dogs. I have had a lot happen this year so far and I'm looking forward to the end of the year (or rather the beginning of next year) when things will hopefully get back to normal.
I think seeing how we've all changed and adapted to fit this situation makes me appreciate the sacrifice that each of my families has had. They've both been loving and supportive, but I'm sure they will both be happy to get things back to normal and let the poopy diapers be once again a thing of the past. I have a lot to keep me busy when I get home. Potty training is top of the list, followed by the removal of a binky, and hopefully getting a good nights sleep. Not to mention I will eventually have my baby in the nursery I've worked so hard to create and have yet to use. I think I'm mostly looking forward to having my back yard and deck again. I plan to buy some decent furniture...not of this folding camping chair business anymore. And a rug is a must after a 1 1/2 inch long splinter found it's way into my sons foot one day. I'll also need to invest in some water entertainment device and hopefully I'll get a good sale on something since it's the end of July already.
So far I've had several months "on my own." Though not entirely on my own as my family has helped tremendously, but on my own as far as a husband and father to my children is concerned. After seeing my husband for a brief two weeks, I realized how much a little boy needs his dad. My son is in his terrible twos and likes to throw fits, but has little outlet for rough and tumble play which he so enjoyed during those two weeks. I can only imagine the fun that will ensue when my husband returns. Being a daddy's girl I always loved being near him, but I never appreciated what need little boys have for their father. As I watched my husband play with our son I realized the play that is natural to a little boy is not natural to a mother. I don't get on the floor and rough house with him, I like to play with his toys and cuddle with him (when I'm lucky enough to get to do that). So, after watching the interaction for two weeks I realized how hard it must be for those children who must go without their other parent. I'm sure for them, at some ages they know no different and it matters not, but the inner workings of our mind and how we express ourselves or let out or energy is simply different. "Boys will be boys" is a saying I just came to understand and one in which I'm sure I'll appreciate throughout these years. I love watching my children grow and I love being a part of their lives, but I can see the need for a father and I will patiently wait for that day to come again. Skype, instant messaging, and email will only get you so far. There is no replacement for the real deal.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
A lots happened in a month
A lot has happened since my post over a month ago and last nights post was merely a rant about how crappy a night I was having. Tonight I thought I'd get everyone up to speed. In the past month I've had a baby, recovered from it with a few minor complications, but on the whole quite quickly. I've lost a best friend of 9 years, which breaks my heart, but I suppose I had it coming as we couldn't meet each others needs in the relationship. I've seen my husband for the only two weeks in the 11 months he'll be gone, and have experienced what it's like to have a jealous toddler and crying baby all at the same time...which is hard (not to mention three dogs all of which demand my attention). All and all it's been a rough month.
For starters, my life as a military spouse is typical. I suppose no one ever plans to have their children without their husband or only have them around for 2 weeks in the first 8 months of their child's life, but that happens and it happened to me. It's hard to explain the pain you feel when you have to say goodbye while thinking about how you're going to explain it to your toddler who will surely miss his daddy why he's gone and when he'll be back...or recognize the fact that your baby girl will not know the man that will want to hold her 8 months later and may reject him. Military life is hard, but it's what I have and I guess I just have to deal.
Second, I lost a dear friend. This is one of the hardest things to deal with this month as I wasn't expecting it, but can't really fault him for it. For many reasons we have kept this wonderful friendship going, but as time passes and our futures seem more certain, the threads of our bond seem to weaken and eventually they got to a breaking point and thus we've gone our separate ways. I can't help but wonder what he's doing and how he's doing. All I can say is I hope all is well and I wish him the best in every aspect of his life. While I may not have the chance to speak with him, I have so much I wish I could have said. For saying things in person are so much better, but I suppose I have to let it rest and move on for the sake of all involved.
And yet another issue from the past month, dealing with self image. Last year I felt great. I was training for two half marathons within the same month. I was feeling like I was in the best shape I'd ever been in, and I had a running buddy whom was helping me achieve my goals and became a great friend. This year I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl. While I'm over the moon about her, my body is what feels like beyond repair. I have quite a negative self image and hate to look at my stomach in the mirror. Not only did the added weight of pregnancy make me dislike what I saw, the ability of my stomach to stretch beyond repair has left me feeling unattractive and downright depressed. I know I'm only a month post pregnancy, but I know this time I will not bounce back as well as I did the first time. It's hard to deal with and hard to accept, but I suppose I have to "put my big girl panties on" and deal. I will run again, I will be able to wear nice clothes again and feel good about myself. I just have to keep working on it physically and mentally.
Life is full of complications. Getting married has it's challenges, military life as well. Having children is a blessing, but it tests you in more ways than you can imagine, and friendships can mean the world to you and they can last a lifetime or only a fleeting moment. However, not everything goes according to plan and as they say...if you love them let them go. So here I am letting things go. I'm letting go of a lot of things...perhaps I'm letting go of my freedom for the next twenty years if I decide to live this military life until military retirement comes along for my husband, I'm letting go of a dearly loved friend whom I respect and wish all the best, I'm letting go of my freedom to do what I want when I want as two kids have pretty much insured that I will be spending my days at home or at a park with them and not out running, drinking, dancing, or some other early twenties activity I used to do. And I'm letting go of my younger days...yes I turned 30, but it's not the number that bothers me or makes me feel older; It's the fact that I have had many freedoms in the past and now with my life getting more and more responsibility, I'm letting go of the freedom of my youth and welcoming the ties and joys of life as I know it. I do not wish to change my life as I have two wonderful children that I cannot imagine living without and even though times can be challenging, I will manage to make the most of each day. Life goes on and so will I. This month is just one test of how I will handle life and so far I think I'm passing the test and ready to move on to the next challenge. Perhaps getting back in shape is the first place I'll start!
For starters, my life as a military spouse is typical. I suppose no one ever plans to have their children without their husband or only have them around for 2 weeks in the first 8 months of their child's life, but that happens and it happened to me. It's hard to explain the pain you feel when you have to say goodbye while thinking about how you're going to explain it to your toddler who will surely miss his daddy why he's gone and when he'll be back...or recognize the fact that your baby girl will not know the man that will want to hold her 8 months later and may reject him. Military life is hard, but it's what I have and I guess I just have to deal.
Second, I lost a dear friend. This is one of the hardest things to deal with this month as I wasn't expecting it, but can't really fault him for it. For many reasons we have kept this wonderful friendship going, but as time passes and our futures seem more certain, the threads of our bond seem to weaken and eventually they got to a breaking point and thus we've gone our separate ways. I can't help but wonder what he's doing and how he's doing. All I can say is I hope all is well and I wish him the best in every aspect of his life. While I may not have the chance to speak with him, I have so much I wish I could have said. For saying things in person are so much better, but I suppose I have to let it rest and move on for the sake of all involved.
And yet another issue from the past month, dealing with self image. Last year I felt great. I was training for two half marathons within the same month. I was feeling like I was in the best shape I'd ever been in, and I had a running buddy whom was helping me achieve my goals and became a great friend. This year I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl. While I'm over the moon about her, my body is what feels like beyond repair. I have quite a negative self image and hate to look at my stomach in the mirror. Not only did the added weight of pregnancy make me dislike what I saw, the ability of my stomach to stretch beyond repair has left me feeling unattractive and downright depressed. I know I'm only a month post pregnancy, but I know this time I will not bounce back as well as I did the first time. It's hard to deal with and hard to accept, but I suppose I have to "put my big girl panties on" and deal. I will run again, I will be able to wear nice clothes again and feel good about myself. I just have to keep working on it physically and mentally.
Life is full of complications. Getting married has it's challenges, military life as well. Having children is a blessing, but it tests you in more ways than you can imagine, and friendships can mean the world to you and they can last a lifetime or only a fleeting moment. However, not everything goes according to plan and as they say...if you love them let them go. So here I am letting things go. I'm letting go of a lot of things...perhaps I'm letting go of my freedom for the next twenty years if I decide to live this military life until military retirement comes along for my husband, I'm letting go of a dearly loved friend whom I respect and wish all the best, I'm letting go of my freedom to do what I want when I want as two kids have pretty much insured that I will be spending my days at home or at a park with them and not out running, drinking, dancing, or some other early twenties activity I used to do. And I'm letting go of my younger days...yes I turned 30, but it's not the number that bothers me or makes me feel older; It's the fact that I have had many freedoms in the past and now with my life getting more and more responsibility, I'm letting go of the freedom of my youth and welcoming the ties and joys of life as I know it. I do not wish to change my life as I have two wonderful children that I cannot imagine living without and even though times can be challenging, I will manage to make the most of each day. Life goes on and so will I. This month is just one test of how I will handle life and so far I think I'm passing the test and ready to move on to the next challenge. Perhaps getting back in shape is the first place I'll start!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Oh what a night
OMG. Let me just say that again...oh my freakin God. What a night this has been. So it's been AGES since I posted something and while sitting in bed last night staring at my baby across the room I realized I haven't posted anything in so long. Well folks, I had a beautiful baby girl, my boy is very jealous, and my dogs are as well. I feel like I have no time for anything I want to do, unless it's drag my children along (with snacks for the toddler in hand in case of a very possible melt down) on a shopping trip. I barely have enough time to get on a social network or check my email while eating breakfast. And the store I wanted to get something online from during their semi annual sale just sold out of the items I wanted because I couldn't get enough time in the past two days to get on their website and search to see what else I might want to buy to get the free shipping when you spend $50. But, tonight I'm staying at my in-laws (they're out of town) to watch my two dogs that are staying with my in-laws because they can't stay with my parents (my dogs are larger and too high energy for my parents three little dogs) since I'm staying with my parents for a few more weeks. Anyway, tonight I got a glimpse of what it will be like when I have two crazy dogs, a toddler, and a baby who all want my attention...NOW. The dogs would normally be put outside in our fenced back yard to play, but I can't do that here since they don't have a fenced back yard. My toddler is jealous...very jealous of his sister so I have a hard time meeting his demands, but I was desperately trying tonight. That is until his sister started having a crying fit and demanded I feed or hold her. So after my toddler decided he was ready for bed (at that time my baby started wailing) I started to put his pjs on (while listening to his sister go crazy and trying to put on pjs in record time). I got them on and laid him in bed. Ran back in the room, picked up his sister which calmed her down quickly and fed her. Not to mention that earlier I had to clean a poopy diaper of said toddler, then a wet one of his sister all the while the dogs were inspecting what I was doing. One of them accidentally scratched the baby (not badly, but enough to make me mad and startle the baby). And well before that, my morning was crazy and I had my mom helping then. Lately, the biggest battle is getting a clean diaper and shorts on in the morning. Why changing his clothes is such a big deal, I have no idea, but for some reason he wants to fight me every time in the morning, and sometimes diaper changes later on. It's maddening. He's also figured out that mom can't do anything when she's nursing his sister so he does what he wants and makes mom angry. Oh boy, the joys of having a toddler. There is a reason they call it the terrible twos, but there are also many great things about his age two. I just hope he gets over the terrible part of it soon. I'm sick of tantrums over the stupidest little thing. Anyway, it's been one hell of a night. A night I could have used my husband, a night I would have loved to have been in my own home, and a night that I hope doesn't repeat itself tomorrow or the next few nights while I'm watching my dogs and house sitting. Here's to tomorrow and hopefully a good nights sleep. Oh, and did i mention my son likes to get me up between 5:30 and 6:30am everyday. At least my little girl lets me get 4 or 5 hours of sleep in a row. Right, time for bed.
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