Tomorrow I get to watch my sons friend and babysitters son. Should be interesting as I've not had the two boys here together all day by myself and I have no clue how her son will do when she leaves. Here's hoping the allure of the train table will help keep him happy!
This weekend I will finally get my other half back and I will finally feel like I can have a bit of freedom. I'm thinking I will go out and buy some birthday presents for my little guy and perhaps I'll take the time to shop for myself as well.
Nothing eventful happened today other than I went to Walmart and bought some groceries. I managed to make another batch of tasty calzones, but ended up with poached and seasoned chicken, peas and baked beans. I bought a can of baked beans a few weeks ago because it just sounded good and I never eat them...and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed them. Hunter seemed to like them, but did end up attempting to feed the last little bit to the dogs when I was cleaning up. Typical boy. He thinks it's great fun and he knows it will get a rouse out of me if I catch him. Ornery little guy. Well, after dinner we had our usual nighttime routine and the I watched one of my shows I like and hopped on here. Now that I've made a post, I think I better go wash up some dishes, clean a little to make sure the house is ready for my boys friend and go to bed at a decent hour instead of 1am like I did last night...or this morning depending on how you look at it. Until tomorrow. Wish me luck!
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Aching hips, my poor trashcan, and stripping Vegas!
Not much has happened in the last 24 hours. I managed to live through the tornado watch and howling winds that knocked my poor defenseless trash can over. Luckily all the trash was too scared to attempt an escape and stayed safely secured inside the trash can for the trashman this morning. Had I awoken before he arrived I would have checked on my poor trashcan and uprighted it so it still had it's dignity, but alas I was tucked in my warm bed enjoying the sleep.
I did however, get one fond reminder of what pregnant life was like before...while enjoying my slumber I was awoken a few times as I usually do to turn over, but this time my typical uneventful turns were joined by that oh so nice aching pain deep in my bones of my hip. The rain and wind didn't help sing me back to sleep, but I knew when I felt the aching that this was only the beginning. I knew after reading pregnancy books the first time that I would likely have some joint pain, but during my first pregnancy I think that was the worst part of the whole ordeal.
One doesn't normally sleep with 5 pillows all stuffed against and under your body so that you're entrenched in a sea of pillows, but when you have that joyful experience of pregnancy you learn to love your pillows and welcome them happily into your bed, much to your typical pillows envy. I have to say I was not expecting to have this pain so soon, but I know it will soon go from an ache to a wake you up and wish you could take meds for your aches every night kinda pain. Guess the good thing is that I only have 5 months (aw man...5 months!) left and then it will fade away.
Well, all that aside, I still manage to do all that I did before my pregnancy with the exception of running due to my toddlers absolute refusal to sit in the stroller for an extended period of time...not to mention it's winter and he would likely hate being strapped in the stroller when it's 30 or 40 degrees out. Sunday marks the day my hubby comes home so I may try to take some time that day to try running with my big ol belly...which may no longer fit into most running gear, but we'll see. At least I can go for a walk if need be. I am starting to have problems lifting somethings as my stomach muscles prepare to get stretched beyond recognition. Sorry stomach, you just have to suck it up and deal cause we're in this for the long haul.
I did however find a run that I do believe I will attempt in the future. While looking through some old magazines and ripping out articles I wanted to keep, but will probably totally forget about, I saw an add for a Strip Vegas or some other catchy title with the word STRIP in huge bold print. Basically it's a race in Vegas on the strip in December I believe and I thought, perhaps in a couple years when I'm not feeding my bundle of joy from my body every 2 hours, I might make the trip out there and just do this race. So I ripped out the add and stuck it in a binder as a reminder to myself to look this up. The big question then becomes who do I run with? I love to run and train for half marathons, but I do enjoy having a buddy to run with at least part of it. So we'll see who I can get to send me off and meet me at the finish line if I can't find a running buddy willing to travel. Now, for the past year I've been dreaming of the Disney World half marathon (one of a few of them they have) and I hope that I can one day do that, but I think I'll need to at least make a trip to Disney for a week and actually have the kids with me, which means that will be awhile. Anyway, for now I'll dream of my running as I stare down at my growing belly and my disappearing feet. Ok, not there yet, but I will be!
I did however, get one fond reminder of what pregnant life was like before...while enjoying my slumber I was awoken a few times as I usually do to turn over, but this time my typical uneventful turns were joined by that oh so nice aching pain deep in my bones of my hip. The rain and wind didn't help sing me back to sleep, but I knew when I felt the aching that this was only the beginning. I knew after reading pregnancy books the first time that I would likely have some joint pain, but during my first pregnancy I think that was the worst part of the whole ordeal.
One doesn't normally sleep with 5 pillows all stuffed against and under your body so that you're entrenched in a sea of pillows, but when you have that joyful experience of pregnancy you learn to love your pillows and welcome them happily into your bed, much to your typical pillows envy. I have to say I was not expecting to have this pain so soon, but I know it will soon go from an ache to a wake you up and wish you could take meds for your aches every night kinda pain. Guess the good thing is that I only have 5 months (aw man...5 months!) left and then it will fade away.
Well, all that aside, I still manage to do all that I did before my pregnancy with the exception of running due to my toddlers absolute refusal to sit in the stroller for an extended period of time...not to mention it's winter and he would likely hate being strapped in the stroller when it's 30 or 40 degrees out. Sunday marks the day my hubby comes home so I may try to take some time that day to try running with my big ol belly...which may no longer fit into most running gear, but we'll see. At least I can go for a walk if need be. I am starting to have problems lifting somethings as my stomach muscles prepare to get stretched beyond recognition. Sorry stomach, you just have to suck it up and deal cause we're in this for the long haul.
I did however find a run that I do believe I will attempt in the future. While looking through some old magazines and ripping out articles I wanted to keep, but will probably totally forget about, I saw an add for a Strip Vegas or some other catchy title with the word STRIP in huge bold print. Basically it's a race in Vegas on the strip in December I believe and I thought, perhaps in a couple years when I'm not feeding my bundle of joy from my body every 2 hours, I might make the trip out there and just do this race. So I ripped out the add and stuck it in a binder as a reminder to myself to look this up. The big question then becomes who do I run with? I love to run and train for half marathons, but I do enjoy having a buddy to run with at least part of it. So we'll see who I can get to send me off and meet me at the finish line if I can't find a running buddy willing to travel. Now, for the past year I've been dreaming of the Disney World half marathon (one of a few of them they have) and I hope that I can one day do that, but I think I'll need to at least make a trip to Disney for a week and actually have the kids with me, which means that will be awhile. Anyway, for now I'll dream of my running as I stare down at my growing belly and my disappearing feet. Ok, not there yet, but I will be!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
True friends make you rich
Oddly enough, photos of a trip in 2004 showed up on facebook today, despite the friend having posted them about 8 years ago! I got a kick out of seeing some of them and sadly I'm not tagged in them currently because my name changed. While looking at those photos I'm reminded of what life was like back then. It's always been fascinating to think about where you'll be or what you'll be doing in 10 years and to be honest, I suppose I thought my life would be something like this, but never really thought I would have lived somewhere exotic, moved several times in one year, and bought a house that I will only live in for three. I did however figure if I was going to have kids I'd have them by now or at least have one by now and I knew having dogs was a must. I didn't expect to have three, nor did I expect them to be crazy, but I love them and they have their sweet calm moments every once in a while.
While on my glorious 4 week stint in Australia I met a lot of great people and still maintain friendships with them via the great social network of facebook, but there's really only been one person that I have kept in touch with that has become a dear friend and means a great deal to me. Oddly enough, it was my one week in Fiji that made out meeting possible. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd end up chatting with a bloke from England while on some far away tropical excursion and I certainly never thought I'd end up chatting with him via email and skype more than I talk to my parents or my husband when he's deployed or in training! While our encounter was brief, only a few days, there was something that was certainly there between us and kept us talking to each other for years. After going back to the states and reuniting with my future husband, then boyfriend, I never thought I'd one day consider what life would have been like with my English gentleman. I married my high school sweetheart and we joined the military (I say we because he joined it and I married into it, although not willingly). I suppose I thought we'd exchange a few emails and eventually would drift off into our own worlds across the pond from each other. I hoped we didn't, but I'm terrible about maintaining contact with friends unless it's messages on facebook, I really don't call people or email them much. So to my surprise, we've become close friends and on some level we'd probably wish we were more than that, but that is another story entirely and I'm not getting into that. Honestly, he is a wonderful man and as you sit here reading this and enjoying your ridiculously hot days back in Australia I have no problems telling you just how great you are and what a blessing it has been to know you. Despite the attraction between us, which I felt from the first few days we knew each other, be it singing Christina songs by the fire, or just chatting about life under the stars, we were never married and nothing has ever happened between us. He is a true gentleman as he had many opportunities to make a move had he wanted to, but never did. I only go off about all this, because as a married woman you'd think I'd be rambling off about my husband and my family, however here I sit, having only spoken to my husband twice in the past month and spoken to this Englishman nearly everyday. Not to mention I'm reading his book and laughing as some of his most embarrassing moments. I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that you can never value a true friend enough, they can be a lifeline, a rock, someone to make you laugh when all you want to do is cry, someone to dream with, someone to dream about, and someone to help you when you're down despite how hard it might be for them when it's helping out with your marital problems when I'm sure they'd rather you dump the guy.
Those photos I mentioned in the beginning included one from my trip in Fiji and he was in it. And even though I look dreadful, it's a photo I'll always enjoy looking at because I know what being there was like. I've had many friends come and go and I was worried this man might have had too much to take when I told him I was engaged, then having a baby, then having another one, but he's stuck by my side and I thank him for that.
I know what it's like to have your heart ripped out and stomped on by your best friend because my best friend of 13 years did that to me in high school and it was heartbreaking to see her leave you behind to go off with her friends and become so involved in drugs that when you finally saw her after graduation she was a shell of the bubbly personality she was. I guess coke will do that to you. However, I have seen her again and once again facebook has allowed me to reconnect with her, but it was never the same and to this day I have only met with her twice since we reunited a couple years ago. I have moved away from my home, my family, my friends, to make a new life for myself, but in the end I always wish that I could go back to that inviting place called home where I have friends just a short drive away, my family is there if I want to see them, and I know where all the streets go because I grew up there and learned to drive there. Being a military spouse takes it's toll on you and there are good days and bad days, sometimes good weeks or months and bad ones as well. But the one thing I know I can always count on is my closest friends, to include my family. If you would have asked me twenty years ago who my best friends would be I would have had a completely different list and would have only dreamed of going to Australia, but today my list includes that man I met in Fiji, my mom, and a fellow military wife to name a few. I have learned that the one thing the truly matters in this world is the people you surround yourself with and not your worldly possessions, or the money in your bank account (granted those things make life a lot easier), if you can love yourself and surround yourself with people that love you, then you are rich no matter how much money is in the bank.
While on my glorious 4 week stint in Australia I met a lot of great people and still maintain friendships with them via the great social network of facebook, but there's really only been one person that I have kept in touch with that has become a dear friend and means a great deal to me. Oddly enough, it was my one week in Fiji that made out meeting possible. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd end up chatting with a bloke from England while on some far away tropical excursion and I certainly never thought I'd end up chatting with him via email and skype more than I talk to my parents or my husband when he's deployed or in training! While our encounter was brief, only a few days, there was something that was certainly there between us and kept us talking to each other for years. After going back to the states and reuniting with my future husband, then boyfriend, I never thought I'd one day consider what life would have been like with my English gentleman. I married my high school sweetheart and we joined the military (I say we because he joined it and I married into it, although not willingly). I suppose I thought we'd exchange a few emails and eventually would drift off into our own worlds across the pond from each other. I hoped we didn't, but I'm terrible about maintaining contact with friends unless it's messages on facebook, I really don't call people or email them much. So to my surprise, we've become close friends and on some level we'd probably wish we were more than that, but that is another story entirely and I'm not getting into that. Honestly, he is a wonderful man and as you sit here reading this and enjoying your ridiculously hot days back in Australia I have no problems telling you just how great you are and what a blessing it has been to know you. Despite the attraction between us, which I felt from the first few days we knew each other, be it singing Christina songs by the fire, or just chatting about life under the stars, we were never married and nothing has ever happened between us. He is a true gentleman as he had many opportunities to make a move had he wanted to, but never did. I only go off about all this, because as a married woman you'd think I'd be rambling off about my husband and my family, however here I sit, having only spoken to my husband twice in the past month and spoken to this Englishman nearly everyday. Not to mention I'm reading his book and laughing as some of his most embarrassing moments. I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that you can never value a true friend enough, they can be a lifeline, a rock, someone to make you laugh when all you want to do is cry, someone to dream with, someone to dream about, and someone to help you when you're down despite how hard it might be for them when it's helping out with your marital problems when I'm sure they'd rather you dump the guy.
Those photos I mentioned in the beginning included one from my trip in Fiji and he was in it. And even though I look dreadful, it's a photo I'll always enjoy looking at because I know what being there was like. I've had many friends come and go and I was worried this man might have had too much to take when I told him I was engaged, then having a baby, then having another one, but he's stuck by my side and I thank him for that.
I know what it's like to have your heart ripped out and stomped on by your best friend because my best friend of 13 years did that to me in high school and it was heartbreaking to see her leave you behind to go off with her friends and become so involved in drugs that when you finally saw her after graduation she was a shell of the bubbly personality she was. I guess coke will do that to you. However, I have seen her again and once again facebook has allowed me to reconnect with her, but it was never the same and to this day I have only met with her twice since we reunited a couple years ago. I have moved away from my home, my family, my friends, to make a new life for myself, but in the end I always wish that I could go back to that inviting place called home where I have friends just a short drive away, my family is there if I want to see them, and I know where all the streets go because I grew up there and learned to drive there. Being a military spouse takes it's toll on you and there are good days and bad days, sometimes good weeks or months and bad ones as well. But the one thing I know I can always count on is my closest friends, to include my family. If you would have asked me twenty years ago who my best friends would be I would have had a completely different list and would have only dreamed of going to Australia, but today my list includes that man I met in Fiji, my mom, and a fellow military wife to name a few. I have learned that the one thing the truly matters in this world is the people you surround yourself with and not your worldly possessions, or the money in your bank account (granted those things make life a lot easier), if you can love yourself and surround yourself with people that love you, then you are rich no matter how much money is in the bank.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Tonight I am happy.
They don't tell you all the things that will happen to you when you get pregnant, during and after the birth, and how your life and body will inevitably NEVER be the same. Will I still wear a bikini to the pool? Why yes, I did thank you...will I after this baby, I hope so! Will I ever have a body like I did before...well, no, but you can dream, and you can see those photos of the lovely actresses and their amazing post baby bods, but in all honesty that baby will do things to your body that you can't totally recover from. So, I've decided that along with my post preggo body from baby numero uno and my again post pregnancy body from baby numero dos (come June) I am on a mission to regain part of that youthful look I had before I became a vessel for another life. I bare the changes with pride, but I want to look smokin hot for the time when I ACTUALLY make it to Vegas and when I can sport a bikini and perhaps when I decide that it's just plain fun to wander around in my house with nothing but a bra and undies and I stop to look in the mirror and say, "damn I look good for having two kids."
Those days may be a ways away, but for now I will think about what to do because the near future of my life is so unpredictable that I can't possibly determine what will be going on in two months so it's not worth worrying about. I've managed to stock my fridge and cupboards with ice cream, a bottle of Mountain Dew code red, dark chocolate (always a staple at my house), frozen waffles, various pasta dishes I've made and have yet to make, and a few other not-so-healthy-for-you foods. However, I am living without the watchful eye of my hubby who generally eats healthy and LOVES meat...venison and wild game to be exact. Not that he restricts my eating in any way, because if I want it I'll buy it, but I don't have that look that he gives me when I bring home a box of Swiss cake rolls that says, "you really want to eat that whole box?" So, for the last few weeks I've indulged in some not so good for me foods, however, my son has yet to learn what the majority of any fatty, processed, or junk food may be. I think that I will once again begin my healthy eating habits in a weeks time, but those Swiss cake rolls still hold a special place in my heart (although I've not had any in many months). Chicken is a staple and that is one thing I don't see changing for me. I like chicken and to be honest, my preggo body can only take so much venison (even though I LOVE it under normal circumstances). I will live up this last week with my chicken, pasta, chocolate, and mountain dew. Amazingly enough I have managed not to down the entire bottle of mountain dew in one day so that's a big feat for me. I'll save some for when I eat leftover calzones I made tonight.
Now that I've stuffed myself for dinner on calzones, drank a glass of lemonade, a small glass of Mountain Dew, and water, I believe I can't possibly fit anything else in my stomach. So, I will read for a bit, then get a shower and go to bed (my usual routine). This time however, I have finished my most recent book in the Fifty Shades trilogy and have yet to buy or rent the last one, so I will be reading a good friends book. One in which I happen to be in for a paragraph or so. While I have read some of the book and I do find it an enjoyable read, I can't help but wonder what his life will be like in 10 years, let alone my own life. He's lived an amazing life, done so much, and met so many people along the way. I can't imagine getting to do some of the things he's done, but I did choose the path of family instead of carefree expeditions to far off lands. I am happy I've made the decision I did because I've always wanted to be married, but for some I think it's good they get out and experience as much as they can. One thing I've always been thankful for is the experiences I've had and the places I've seen. I have been to numerous countries and met a lot of people along the way, some of which I still speak with and one of which wrote the aforementioned book. While I may occasionally feel pinned down in my life, I do not regret my decision. For one thing, if I didn't marry the man I did, I'd likely have married the man who went on that carefree expedition to Asia, Australia, the Alps and so many more places. Then what would he be doing and how many places would he have really gotten to see. There would be no Chalet Boy book that's for certain, because he would probably have been a father by the time he would have even considered the thought of taking on a job like that. It just goes to show you that you never know what path you may take and where life will lead you, but in the end things are always changing and nothing is certain.
I am in a situation that presents some of the worst the Army has to offer at this time in my life, but this is my path. Love it or hate it, it is what it is. I have to take the good with the bad and determine in the end if it's worth it or not. There will be times of doubt and times of happiness in my life, but I know one thing, when I can get into that bikini and want to look in the mirror, when I can take those boudoir shots after my second child is born, and when I cross that finish line of the next half marathon I will be happy. I will be happy when I look at my son, when I watch him learn, when I see him pretend play with his stuffed animals. I will be happy when a day goes by that my dogs don't wake me up before 7:30 or make some mess in the house be it a incontinence issue (hopefully resolved after today's vet visit) or a shredded book. I will be happy when my husband is home or when I am home and getting a big hug from my mom and dad. I will even be happy when I don't have to wash or rinse a single dish in one day. Be it little or big things in your life, it's the things that make you happy that make life worth living. I have a lot of things that could go wrong in the near future, but today despite the annoyance of the dogs and the dishwashing and diaper changing that has made me wash my hands so much they've turned into cracked sandpaper (regardless of the copious amounts of lotion applied), I am happy because right now, it's quiet, my son is happy, my dogs are happy, and I can relax and feel calm. Until tomorrow when the chaos begins again, I am calm and happy. Lets just pray the dogs don't have to pee at 3 or 5:30am again!
Those days may be a ways away, but for now I will think about what to do because the near future of my life is so unpredictable that I can't possibly determine what will be going on in two months so it's not worth worrying about. I've managed to stock my fridge and cupboards with ice cream, a bottle of Mountain Dew code red, dark chocolate (always a staple at my house), frozen waffles, various pasta dishes I've made and have yet to make, and a few other not-so-healthy-for-you foods. However, I am living without the watchful eye of my hubby who generally eats healthy and LOVES meat...venison and wild game to be exact. Not that he restricts my eating in any way, because if I want it I'll buy it, but I don't have that look that he gives me when I bring home a box of Swiss cake rolls that says, "you really want to eat that whole box?" So, for the last few weeks I've indulged in some not so good for me foods, however, my son has yet to learn what the majority of any fatty, processed, or junk food may be. I think that I will once again begin my healthy eating habits in a weeks time, but those Swiss cake rolls still hold a special place in my heart (although I've not had any in many months). Chicken is a staple and that is one thing I don't see changing for me. I like chicken and to be honest, my preggo body can only take so much venison (even though I LOVE it under normal circumstances). I will live up this last week with my chicken, pasta, chocolate, and mountain dew. Amazingly enough I have managed not to down the entire bottle of mountain dew in one day so that's a big feat for me. I'll save some for when I eat leftover calzones I made tonight.
Now that I've stuffed myself for dinner on calzones, drank a glass of lemonade, a small glass of Mountain Dew, and water, I believe I can't possibly fit anything else in my stomach. So, I will read for a bit, then get a shower and go to bed (my usual routine). This time however, I have finished my most recent book in the Fifty Shades trilogy and have yet to buy or rent the last one, so I will be reading a good friends book. One in which I happen to be in for a paragraph or so. While I have read some of the book and I do find it an enjoyable read, I can't help but wonder what his life will be like in 10 years, let alone my own life. He's lived an amazing life, done so much, and met so many people along the way. I can't imagine getting to do some of the things he's done, but I did choose the path of family instead of carefree expeditions to far off lands. I am happy I've made the decision I did because I've always wanted to be married, but for some I think it's good they get out and experience as much as they can. One thing I've always been thankful for is the experiences I've had and the places I've seen. I have been to numerous countries and met a lot of people along the way, some of which I still speak with and one of which wrote the aforementioned book. While I may occasionally feel pinned down in my life, I do not regret my decision. For one thing, if I didn't marry the man I did, I'd likely have married the man who went on that carefree expedition to Asia, Australia, the Alps and so many more places. Then what would he be doing and how many places would he have really gotten to see. There would be no Chalet Boy book that's for certain, because he would probably have been a father by the time he would have even considered the thought of taking on a job like that. It just goes to show you that you never know what path you may take and where life will lead you, but in the end things are always changing and nothing is certain.
I am in a situation that presents some of the worst the Army has to offer at this time in my life, but this is my path. Love it or hate it, it is what it is. I have to take the good with the bad and determine in the end if it's worth it or not. There will be times of doubt and times of happiness in my life, but I know one thing, when I can get into that bikini and want to look in the mirror, when I can take those boudoir shots after my second child is born, and when I cross that finish line of the next half marathon I will be happy. I will be happy when I look at my son, when I watch him learn, when I see him pretend play with his stuffed animals. I will be happy when a day goes by that my dogs don't wake me up before 7:30 or make some mess in the house be it a incontinence issue (hopefully resolved after today's vet visit) or a shredded book. I will be happy when my husband is home or when I am home and getting a big hug from my mom and dad. I will even be happy when I don't have to wash or rinse a single dish in one day. Be it little or big things in your life, it's the things that make you happy that make life worth living. I have a lot of things that could go wrong in the near future, but today despite the annoyance of the dogs and the dishwashing and diaper changing that has made me wash my hands so much they've turned into cracked sandpaper (regardless of the copious amounts of lotion applied), I am happy because right now, it's quiet, my son is happy, my dogs are happy, and I can relax and feel calm. Until tomorrow when the chaos begins again, I am calm and happy. Lets just pray the dogs don't have to pee at 3 or 5:30am again!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Think positive
Life is uncertain, no matter the path you take.
Change is inevitable, no matter the choice you make.
When sadness grabs you to take you down,
Remember the joy in the life that you're found.
A child will give you unending love,
As if he's an angel sent from Heaven above.
He knows no hate, he's innocent and true.
He'll give you the world and love you more than you knew...
It was possible in the eyes of someone so small.
Love is unending no matter what comes to call.
I sit here today, thankful for this blessing and knowing that he is the light of my life, the love of my life, and the one thing that will be mine forever. I have had a trying weekend and many things to consider I know that when I look at him I will be forever thankful no matter what else is going on in my life. I know somethings will change and I will be tested emotionally, physically, and mentally and I am ready for the challenge. With the help of those who are close to me, I hope I can keep the strength I need for the challenges I face this year. Until I have certain evidence of what is to come, I want to focus on my little boy and the joy he brings and the love he deserves. He is the one thing that keeps me happy, no matter how many times he plays in the dog water, tries to eat dog food, throws things, or dumps water out of the bathtub. I have to stay positive and I think today is a good day to try to find ways to maintain that positive energy. I have a lot going on and another big conversation to have with my husband, but until that comes and we know what is going to happen, I will try to stay focused on ways to make myself happy. Starting with buying yet another book...this time one on arranging flowers, so that when I come home from where ever I've been or when I wake in the morning, I'll have something beautiful to see as soon as I come down the stairs. I also bought a book on surviving being a military spouse and claiming that you want a life too. Seeing as it was a whopping $4 I bought it and will read it when it gets here for some inspiration to new approaches on things and ways to better myself. While part of me really just wants to be negative right now, I think it's best to redirect my energy to better things and make a better life. Here's to positive thinking and hopefully some positive change.
Change is inevitable, no matter the choice you make.
When sadness grabs you to take you down,
Remember the joy in the life that you're found.
A child will give you unending love,
As if he's an angel sent from Heaven above.
He knows no hate, he's innocent and true.
He'll give you the world and love you more than you knew...
It was possible in the eyes of someone so small.
Love is unending no matter what comes to call.
I sit here today, thankful for this blessing and knowing that he is the light of my life, the love of my life, and the one thing that will be mine forever. I have had a trying weekend and many things to consider I know that when I look at him I will be forever thankful no matter what else is going on in my life. I know somethings will change and I will be tested emotionally, physically, and mentally and I am ready for the challenge. With the help of those who are close to me, I hope I can keep the strength I need for the challenges I face this year. Until I have certain evidence of what is to come, I want to focus on my little boy and the joy he brings and the love he deserves. He is the one thing that keeps me happy, no matter how many times he plays in the dog water, tries to eat dog food, throws things, or dumps water out of the bathtub. I have to stay positive and I think today is a good day to try to find ways to maintain that positive energy. I have a lot going on and another big conversation to have with my husband, but until that comes and we know what is going to happen, I will try to stay focused on ways to make myself happy. Starting with buying yet another book...this time one on arranging flowers, so that when I come home from where ever I've been or when I wake in the morning, I'll have something beautiful to see as soon as I come down the stairs. I also bought a book on surviving being a military spouse and claiming that you want a life too. Seeing as it was a whopping $4 I bought it and will read it when it gets here for some inspiration to new approaches on things and ways to better myself. While part of me really just wants to be negative right now, I think it's best to redirect my energy to better things and make a better life. Here's to positive thinking and hopefully some positive change.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Ice cream and a smutty book
What do you say to your husband when he just declined to take a job that might have kept him here for the birth of your second child, but it's everything he doesn't want in a job and he's wanting to get out of the unit he's in because of the leadership? Well, you tell him that family is important, you're tired of being low on the totem pole and you want to have him home despite the fact that it's a done deal and you can't really change what he's said now so you have to wait and see what command they give him. Then after a long conversation you get on here, post your thoughts and carry on with some ice cream and a smutty book to take your mind off things.
One good thing about the conversation that is far from over is that he knows how you feel, knows your need more, knows you expect more, and knows that he better give you want you want before he gets deployed or it's going to be one unpleasant year. I did manage to get the little trip home to see the family that I wanted, the extra ultrasound, and a sincere I'm sorry and I love you. Oh and I am now officially allowed to declare what we do next after we leave this duty station because I'm sick of being at his and the Army's mercy.
While I am happy I have gotten a few minor things that I wanted, I'm still brokenhearted that I will most likely be without him for the birth of our second child. I will likely be in another state with a new doctor (which I'm not happy about because I really like my midwife at this hospital) and if I can swing it I will only have one dog to worry about instead of three. Anyone want to adopt two dogs for three or four months while I manage to keep my sanity for just a bit longer?
There are a lot of things to consider...for all I know the stars could align and he might not even get deployed, but it looks like all the possible units he could go to will be leaving in March or sometime around then....sooner than I thought. We're not sure if he'd go that soon as there's so much to do before deployment but it's possible and I'm not happy about it. It would get him home for Christmas which would be wonderful. So, here I am, still wondering, but now wondering when instead of if he'll get deployed. At times I wish I could just say, he needs to quit, but it's not like you can really do that and despite his master's degree he's not sure what he'll do in the private sector. Just this morning I was looking up bedding for my toddler hopping to redo his room and now he may not even use it but a few weeks before he ends up getting moved back to the grandparents...if they'll have me, my son, my dog, my lizard, and my amphibian...AND I can find some one to take our other two dogs for a little while. To be honest it's all too much and it sucks and I told him that. It just plain sucks. I hope that I can find the strength in myself to make it through what will undoubtedly be the hardest time in our marriage and my life. If I go home at least I will have the support of my friends and family and that means the world to me. Life is hard and sometimes it knocks you down, lets just hope I can be the strength that my children will need in the upcoming months and still find strength for myself.
One good thing about the conversation that is far from over is that he knows how you feel, knows your need more, knows you expect more, and knows that he better give you want you want before he gets deployed or it's going to be one unpleasant year. I did manage to get the little trip home to see the family that I wanted, the extra ultrasound, and a sincere I'm sorry and I love you. Oh and I am now officially allowed to declare what we do next after we leave this duty station because I'm sick of being at his and the Army's mercy.
While I am happy I have gotten a few minor things that I wanted, I'm still brokenhearted that I will most likely be without him for the birth of our second child. I will likely be in another state with a new doctor (which I'm not happy about because I really like my midwife at this hospital) and if I can swing it I will only have one dog to worry about instead of three. Anyone want to adopt two dogs for three or four months while I manage to keep my sanity for just a bit longer?
There are a lot of things to consider...for all I know the stars could align and he might not even get deployed, but it looks like all the possible units he could go to will be leaving in March or sometime around then....sooner than I thought. We're not sure if he'd go that soon as there's so much to do before deployment but it's possible and I'm not happy about it. It would get him home for Christmas which would be wonderful. So, here I am, still wondering, but now wondering when instead of if he'll get deployed. At times I wish I could just say, he needs to quit, but it's not like you can really do that and despite his master's degree he's not sure what he'll do in the private sector. Just this morning I was looking up bedding for my toddler hopping to redo his room and now he may not even use it but a few weeks before he ends up getting moved back to the grandparents...if they'll have me, my son, my dog, my lizard, and my amphibian...AND I can find some one to take our other two dogs for a little while. To be honest it's all too much and it sucks and I told him that. It just plain sucks. I hope that I can find the strength in myself to make it through what will undoubtedly be the hardest time in our marriage and my life. If I go home at least I will have the support of my friends and family and that means the world to me. Life is hard and sometimes it knocks you down, lets just hope I can be the strength that my children will need in the upcoming months and still find strength for myself.
Friday, January 25, 2013
I wish I had a mute button
After a couple weeks back and by myself I have had day after day of barking and oddly enough leaking (I'll get to this later) dogs. I wish there was a mute button for my smallest dog who finds it necessary to bark every time the other two play or I'm chasing after my son who's having the time of his life running around the house. Then there's the larger dogs who could benefit from a mute button. One of them seems to think it's great to bark at every dog she hears while she's outside and the other finds it fun to growl while playing, thus upsetting the smaller dog and occasionally waking the baby.
But lets not forget the leaking dog. Ever since we adopted her we'd have bouts of leakage that we'd find on our couch. We have a sectional so it's a rather large couch and she tends to frequent two spots on this couch. Luckily the place where I usually sit is not one of those spots. However, after cleaning up after her for the third day in a row I'm now inclined to make my couch seem like an old lady couch by putting plastic on it. I've washed the blanket that stays on it every day for the last three days. Not to mention she likes to dig and she's had multiple baths in one week.
Don't get me wrong, I love my dogs and I'm glad I have them, but man oh man can they be annoying. I feel bad for the largest one because she gets bored and just wants me to throw her darn ball which she refuses to release from her jaws thus making it hard to throw unless she loosens her grip so I can grab it only to tighten it again as I try to take it out of her mouth, thus getting gnawed on. She's a hunting dog and needs to be run outside in the fields for hours to tire her out...my husbands job. I have to say, I am looking forward to his return not only to see him, but to have him play with his beloved pooch! If you only knew how spoiled she is with him. Sometimes I think she gets more cuddle time than I do! Granted I don't cuddle on the floor at 8pm at night and fall asleep.
I have to say, I am desperate to talk to my husband to find out some news about this year. I hope I find out this weekend and I'm sure you'll hear about it. I may be elated that he got stuck with a job that will keep him on US soil or beside myself trying to figure out what I'm going to do when May comes and I'm 8 months pregnant and he is shipping off to Afghanistan. But, I need to worry only about one thing until I get that news...what necklace am I going to wear to the ball since I have everything else. I still can't believe I'm going to a ball pregnant. I had no desire to do so and then I just got tired of feeling like a slob living in pj pants and shirts. Granted I dressed up to go to Walmart...I put on jeans. I seriously considered wearing pj pants but then realized I could only bring myself to go to the mail box and no further in those pants. They aren't ugly looking, but on principle I just couldn't do it unless it was 3am and I was in college again. Or maybe when it's 3pm and I have two kids and still have the three dogs and just need a flippin thing of milk and want to get in and out as fast as possible because I've had no sleep in three weeks and can't bare to walk around the store to get the rest of the items on my list. I'm thinking tomorrow I might actually decide to leave the comfort of my pj pants and toasty house to venture out into the unknown that is the local mall. I might even go to Target and look at some bedding I wanted for my son, or if I get really bold and my precious boy decides to halt his crying long enough after making two or three stops already, I might even go to Hobby Lobby or Walmart and get a few things I need. And maybe I might even go to Panera! Wow, I have an exciting life! Well, this is how things change when you are a mom and have to work around naps, limited sleep (thank you dogs for making me get up at 3:30 this morning) and a boy who has the time limit of how many cheerios are in his cup before all hell breaks loose and you need an emergency evacuation plan. Ok, he's not that bad, but it does get bad sometimes.
It's funny how life can change in the blink of an eye. I miss my freedom and my ability to have a nice drink! However, I love being a mom, I love reading books to him before bed and kissing him goodnight. I love opening his door and seeing that smile or watching him sleep. I never wanted kids and now even with the craziness of my household, I'm so blessed to have my boy. Here's hoping the next one is a girl though! I need more estrogen in this house!!!! (And the dogs don't count)
But lets not forget the leaking dog. Ever since we adopted her we'd have bouts of leakage that we'd find on our couch. We have a sectional so it's a rather large couch and she tends to frequent two spots on this couch. Luckily the place where I usually sit is not one of those spots. However, after cleaning up after her for the third day in a row I'm now inclined to make my couch seem like an old lady couch by putting plastic on it. I've washed the blanket that stays on it every day for the last three days. Not to mention she likes to dig and she's had multiple baths in one week.
Don't get me wrong, I love my dogs and I'm glad I have them, but man oh man can they be annoying. I feel bad for the largest one because she gets bored and just wants me to throw her darn ball which she refuses to release from her jaws thus making it hard to throw unless she loosens her grip so I can grab it only to tighten it again as I try to take it out of her mouth, thus getting gnawed on. She's a hunting dog and needs to be run outside in the fields for hours to tire her out...my husbands job. I have to say, I am looking forward to his return not only to see him, but to have him play with his beloved pooch! If you only knew how spoiled she is with him. Sometimes I think she gets more cuddle time than I do! Granted I don't cuddle on the floor at 8pm at night and fall asleep.
I have to say, I am desperate to talk to my husband to find out some news about this year. I hope I find out this weekend and I'm sure you'll hear about it. I may be elated that he got stuck with a job that will keep him on US soil or beside myself trying to figure out what I'm going to do when May comes and I'm 8 months pregnant and he is shipping off to Afghanistan. But, I need to worry only about one thing until I get that news...what necklace am I going to wear to the ball since I have everything else. I still can't believe I'm going to a ball pregnant. I had no desire to do so and then I just got tired of feeling like a slob living in pj pants and shirts. Granted I dressed up to go to Walmart...I put on jeans. I seriously considered wearing pj pants but then realized I could only bring myself to go to the mail box and no further in those pants. They aren't ugly looking, but on principle I just couldn't do it unless it was 3am and I was in college again. Or maybe when it's 3pm and I have two kids and still have the three dogs and just need a flippin thing of milk and want to get in and out as fast as possible because I've had no sleep in three weeks and can't bare to walk around the store to get the rest of the items on my list. I'm thinking tomorrow I might actually decide to leave the comfort of my pj pants and toasty house to venture out into the unknown that is the local mall. I might even go to Target and look at some bedding I wanted for my son, or if I get really bold and my precious boy decides to halt his crying long enough after making two or three stops already, I might even go to Hobby Lobby or Walmart and get a few things I need. And maybe I might even go to Panera! Wow, I have an exciting life! Well, this is how things change when you are a mom and have to work around naps, limited sleep (thank you dogs for making me get up at 3:30 this morning) and a boy who has the time limit of how many cheerios are in his cup before all hell breaks loose and you need an emergency evacuation plan. Ok, he's not that bad, but it does get bad sometimes.
It's funny how life can change in the blink of an eye. I miss my freedom and my ability to have a nice drink! However, I love being a mom, I love reading books to him before bed and kissing him goodnight. I love opening his door and seeing that smile or watching him sleep. I never wanted kids and now even with the craziness of my household, I'm so blessed to have my boy. Here's hoping the next one is a girl though! I need more estrogen in this house!!!! (And the dogs don't count)
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