Tonight I am happy.

They don't tell you all the things that will happen to you when you get pregnant, during and after the birth, and how your life and body will inevitably NEVER be the same. Will I still wear a bikini to the pool?  Why yes, I did thank you...will I after this baby, I hope so!  Will I ever have a body like I did before...well, no, but you can dream, and you can see those photos of the lovely actresses and their amazing post baby bods, but in all honesty that baby will do things to your body that you can't totally recover from. So, I've decided that along with my post preggo body from baby numero uno and my again post pregnancy body from baby numero dos (come June) I am on a mission to regain part of that youthful look I had before I became a vessel for another life. I bare the changes with pride, but I want to look smokin hot for the time when I ACTUALLY make it to Vegas and when I can sport a bikini and perhaps when I decide that it's just plain fun to wander around in my house with nothing but a bra and undies and I stop to look in the mirror and say, "damn I look good for having two kids."

Those days may be a ways away, but for now I will think about what to do because the near future of my life is so unpredictable that I can't possibly determine what will be going on in two months so it's not worth worrying about. I've managed to stock my fridge and cupboards with ice cream, a bottle of Mountain Dew code red, dark chocolate (always a staple at my house), frozen waffles, various pasta dishes I've made and have yet to make, and a few other not-so-healthy-for-you foods. However, I am living without the watchful eye of my hubby who generally eats healthy and LOVES meat...venison and wild game to be exact. Not that he restricts my eating in any way, because if I want it I'll buy it, but I don't have that look that he gives me when I bring home a box of Swiss cake rolls that says, "you really want to eat that whole box?"  So, for the last few weeks I've indulged in some not so good for me foods, however, my son has yet to learn what the majority of any fatty, processed, or junk food may be. I think that I will once again begin my healthy eating habits in a weeks time, but those Swiss cake rolls still hold a special place in my heart (although I've not had any in many months).  Chicken is a staple and that is one thing I don't see changing for me. I like chicken and to be honest, my preggo body can only take so much venison (even though I LOVE it under normal circumstances).  I will live up this last week with my chicken, pasta, chocolate, and mountain dew. Amazingly enough I have managed not to down the entire bottle of mountain dew in one day so that's a big feat for me. I'll save some for when I eat leftover calzones I made tonight.

Now that I've stuffed myself for dinner on calzones, drank a glass of lemonade, a small glass of Mountain Dew, and water, I believe I can't possibly fit anything else in my stomach. So, I will read for a bit, then get a shower and go to bed (my usual routine). This time however, I have finished my most recent book in the Fifty Shades trilogy and have yet to buy or rent the last one, so I will be reading a good friends book. One in which I happen to be in for a paragraph or so. While I have read some of the book and I do find it an enjoyable read, I can't help but wonder what his life will be like in 10 years, let alone my own life. He's lived an amazing life, done so much, and met so many people along the way. I can't imagine getting to do some of the things he's done, but I did choose the path of family instead of carefree expeditions to far off lands. I am happy I've made the decision I did because I've always wanted to be married, but for some I think it's good they get out and experience as much as they can. One thing I've always been thankful for is the experiences I've had and the places I've seen. I have been to numerous countries and met a lot of people along the way, some of which I still speak with and one of which wrote the aforementioned book. While I may occasionally feel pinned down in my life, I do not regret my decision. For one thing, if I didn't marry the man I did, I'd likely have married the man who went on that carefree expedition to Asia, Australia, the Alps and so many more places. Then what would he be doing and how many places would he have really gotten to see. There would be no Chalet Boy book that's for certain, because he would probably have been a father by the time he would have even considered the thought of taking on a job like that. It just goes to show you that you never know what path you may take and where life will lead you, but in the end things are always changing and nothing is certain.

I am in a situation that presents some of the worst the Army has to offer at this time in my life, but this is my path. Love it or hate it, it is what it is. I have to take the good with the bad and determine in the end if it's worth it or not. There will be times of doubt and times of happiness in my life, but I know one thing, when I can get into that bikini and want to look in the mirror, when I can take those boudoir shots after my second child is born, and when I cross that finish line of the next half marathon I will be happy. I will be happy when I look at my son, when I watch him learn, when I see him pretend play with his stuffed animals. I will be happy when a day goes by that my dogs don't wake me up before 7:30 or make some mess in the house be it a incontinence issue (hopefully resolved after today's vet visit) or a shredded book. I will be happy when my husband is home or when I am home and getting a big hug from my mom and dad. I will even be happy when I don't have to wash or rinse a single dish in one day. Be it little or big things in your life, it's the things that make you happy that make life worth living. I have a lot of things that could go wrong in the near future, but today despite the annoyance of the dogs and the dishwashing and diaper changing that has made me wash my hands so much they've turned into cracked sandpaper (regardless of the copious amounts of lotion applied), I am happy because right now, it's quiet, my son is happy, my dogs are happy, and I can relax and feel calm. Until tomorrow when the chaos begins again, I am calm and happy. Lets just pray the dogs don't have to pee at 3 or 5:30am again!