They don't tell you all the things that will happen to you when you get pregnant, during and after the birth, and how your life and body will inevitably NEVER be the same. Will I still wear a bikini to the pool? Why yes, I did thank you...will I after this baby, I hope so! Will I ever have a body like I did before...well, no, but you can dream, and you can see those photos of the lovely actresses and their amazing post baby bods, but in all honesty that baby will do things to your body that you can't totally recover from. So, I've decided that along with my post preggo body from baby numero uno and my again post pregnancy body from baby numero dos (come June) I am on a mission to regain part of that youthful look I had before I became a vessel for another life. I bare the changes with pride, but I want to look smokin hot for the time when I ACTUALLY make it to Vegas and when I can sport a bikini and perhaps when I decide that it's just plain fun to wander around in my house with nothing but a bra and undies and I stop to look in the mirror and say, "damn I look good for having two kids."
Those days may be a ways away, but for now I will think about what to do because the near future of my life is so unpredictable that I can't possibly determine what will be going on in two months so it's not worth worrying about. I've managed to stock my fridge and cupboards with ice cream, a bottle of Mountain Dew code red, dark chocolate (always a staple at my house), frozen waffles, various pasta dishes I've made and have yet to make, and a few other not-so-healthy-for-you foods. However, I am living without the watchful eye of my hubby who generally eats healthy and LOVES meat...venison and wild game to be exact. Not that he restricts my eating in any way, because if I want it I'll buy it, but I don't have that look that he gives me when I bring home a box of Swiss cake rolls that says, "you really want to eat that whole box?" So, for the last few weeks I've indulged in some not so good for me foods, however, my son has yet to learn what the majority of any fatty, processed, or junk food may be. I think that I will once again begin my healthy eating habits in a weeks time, but those Swiss cake rolls still hold a special place in my heart (although I've not had any in many months). Chicken is a staple and that is one thing I don't see changing for me. I like chicken and to be honest, my preggo body can only take so much venison (even though I LOVE it under normal circumstances). I will live up this last week with my chicken, pasta, chocolate, and mountain dew. Amazingly enough I have managed not to down the entire bottle of mountain dew in one day so that's a big feat for me. I'll save some for when I eat leftover calzones I made tonight.
Now that I've stuffed myself for dinner on calzones, drank a glass of lemonade, a small glass of Mountain Dew, and water, I believe I can't possibly fit anything else in my stomach. So, I will read for a bit, then get a shower and go to bed (my usual routine). This time however, I have finished my most recent book in the Fifty Shades trilogy and have yet to buy or rent the last one, so I will be reading a good friends book. One in which I happen to be in for a paragraph or so. While I have read some of the book and I do find it an enjoyable read, I can't help but wonder what his life will be like in 10 years, let alone my own life. He's lived an amazing life, done so much, and met so many people along the way. I can't imagine getting to do some of the things he's done, but I did choose the path of family instead of carefree expeditions to far off lands. I am happy I've made the decision I did because I've always wanted to be married, but for some I think it's good they get out and experience as much as they can. One thing I've always been thankful for is the experiences I've had and the places I've seen. I have been to numerous countries and met a lot of people along the way, some of which I still speak with and one of which wrote the aforementioned book. While I may occasionally feel pinned down in my life, I do not regret my decision. For one thing, if I didn't marry the man I did, I'd likely have married the man who went on that carefree expedition to Asia, Australia, the Alps and so many more places. Then what would he be doing and how many places would he have really gotten to see. There would be no Chalet Boy book that's for certain, because he would probably have been a father by the time he would have even considered the thought of taking on a job like that. It just goes to show you that you never know what path you may take and where life will lead you, but in the end things are always changing and nothing is certain.
I am in a situation that presents some of the worst the Army has to offer at this time in my life, but this is my path. Love it or hate it, it is what it is. I have to take the good with the bad and determine in the end if it's worth it or not. There will be times of doubt and times of happiness in my life, but I know one thing, when I can get into that bikini and want to look in the mirror, when I can take those boudoir shots after my second child is born, and when I cross that finish line of the next half marathon I will be happy. I will be happy when I look at my son, when I watch him learn, when I see him pretend play with his stuffed animals. I will be happy when a day goes by that my dogs don't wake me up before 7:30 or make some mess in the house be it a incontinence issue (hopefully resolved after today's vet visit) or a shredded book. I will be happy when my husband is home or when I am home and getting a big hug from my mom and dad. I will even be happy when I don't have to wash or rinse a single dish in one day. Be it little or big things in your life, it's the things that make you happy that make life worth living. I have a lot of things that could go wrong in the near future, but today despite the annoyance of the dogs and the dishwashing and diaper changing that has made me wash my hands so much they've turned into cracked sandpaper (regardless of the copious amounts of lotion applied), I am happy because right now, it's quiet, my son is happy, my dogs are happy, and I can relax and feel calm. Until tomorrow when the chaos begins again, I am calm and happy. Lets just pray the dogs don't have to pee at 3 or 5:30am again!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Think positive
Life is uncertain, no matter the path you take.
Change is inevitable, no matter the choice you make.
When sadness grabs you to take you down,
Remember the joy in the life that you're found.
A child will give you unending love,
As if he's an angel sent from Heaven above.
He knows no hate, he's innocent and true.
He'll give you the world and love you more than you knew...
It was possible in the eyes of someone so small.
Love is unending no matter what comes to call.
I sit here today, thankful for this blessing and knowing that he is the light of my life, the love of my life, and the one thing that will be mine forever. I have had a trying weekend and many things to consider I know that when I look at him I will be forever thankful no matter what else is going on in my life. I know somethings will change and I will be tested emotionally, physically, and mentally and I am ready for the challenge. With the help of those who are close to me, I hope I can keep the strength I need for the challenges I face this year. Until I have certain evidence of what is to come, I want to focus on my little boy and the joy he brings and the love he deserves. He is the one thing that keeps me happy, no matter how many times he plays in the dog water, tries to eat dog food, throws things, or dumps water out of the bathtub. I have to stay positive and I think today is a good day to try to find ways to maintain that positive energy. I have a lot going on and another big conversation to have with my husband, but until that comes and we know what is going to happen, I will try to stay focused on ways to make myself happy. Starting with buying yet another book...this time one on arranging flowers, so that when I come home from where ever I've been or when I wake in the morning, I'll have something beautiful to see as soon as I come down the stairs. I also bought a book on surviving being a military spouse and claiming that you want a life too. Seeing as it was a whopping $4 I bought it and will read it when it gets here for some inspiration to new approaches on things and ways to better myself. While part of me really just wants to be negative right now, I think it's best to redirect my energy to better things and make a better life. Here's to positive thinking and hopefully some positive change.
Change is inevitable, no matter the choice you make.
When sadness grabs you to take you down,
Remember the joy in the life that you're found.
A child will give you unending love,
As if he's an angel sent from Heaven above.
He knows no hate, he's innocent and true.
He'll give you the world and love you more than you knew...
It was possible in the eyes of someone so small.
Love is unending no matter what comes to call.
I sit here today, thankful for this blessing and knowing that he is the light of my life, the love of my life, and the one thing that will be mine forever. I have had a trying weekend and many things to consider I know that when I look at him I will be forever thankful no matter what else is going on in my life. I know somethings will change and I will be tested emotionally, physically, and mentally and I am ready for the challenge. With the help of those who are close to me, I hope I can keep the strength I need for the challenges I face this year. Until I have certain evidence of what is to come, I want to focus on my little boy and the joy he brings and the love he deserves. He is the one thing that keeps me happy, no matter how many times he plays in the dog water, tries to eat dog food, throws things, or dumps water out of the bathtub. I have to stay positive and I think today is a good day to try to find ways to maintain that positive energy. I have a lot going on and another big conversation to have with my husband, but until that comes and we know what is going to happen, I will try to stay focused on ways to make myself happy. Starting with buying yet another book...this time one on arranging flowers, so that when I come home from where ever I've been or when I wake in the morning, I'll have something beautiful to see as soon as I come down the stairs. I also bought a book on surviving being a military spouse and claiming that you want a life too. Seeing as it was a whopping $4 I bought it and will read it when it gets here for some inspiration to new approaches on things and ways to better myself. While part of me really just wants to be negative right now, I think it's best to redirect my energy to better things and make a better life. Here's to positive thinking and hopefully some positive change.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Ice cream and a smutty book
What do you say to your husband when he just declined to take a job that might have kept him here for the birth of your second child, but it's everything he doesn't want in a job and he's wanting to get out of the unit he's in because of the leadership? Well, you tell him that family is important, you're tired of being low on the totem pole and you want to have him home despite the fact that it's a done deal and you can't really change what he's said now so you have to wait and see what command they give him. Then after a long conversation you get on here, post your thoughts and carry on with some ice cream and a smutty book to take your mind off things.
One good thing about the conversation that is far from over is that he knows how you feel, knows your need more, knows you expect more, and knows that he better give you want you want before he gets deployed or it's going to be one unpleasant year. I did manage to get the little trip home to see the family that I wanted, the extra ultrasound, and a sincere I'm sorry and I love you. Oh and I am now officially allowed to declare what we do next after we leave this duty station because I'm sick of being at his and the Army's mercy.
While I am happy I have gotten a few minor things that I wanted, I'm still brokenhearted that I will most likely be without him for the birth of our second child. I will likely be in another state with a new doctor (which I'm not happy about because I really like my midwife at this hospital) and if I can swing it I will only have one dog to worry about instead of three. Anyone want to adopt two dogs for three or four months while I manage to keep my sanity for just a bit longer?
There are a lot of things to consider...for all I know the stars could align and he might not even get deployed, but it looks like all the possible units he could go to will be leaving in March or sometime around then....sooner than I thought. We're not sure if he'd go that soon as there's so much to do before deployment but it's possible and I'm not happy about it. It would get him home for Christmas which would be wonderful. So, here I am, still wondering, but now wondering when instead of if he'll get deployed. At times I wish I could just say, he needs to quit, but it's not like you can really do that and despite his master's degree he's not sure what he'll do in the private sector. Just this morning I was looking up bedding for my toddler hopping to redo his room and now he may not even use it but a few weeks before he ends up getting moved back to the grandparents...if they'll have me, my son, my dog, my lizard, and my amphibian...AND I can find some one to take our other two dogs for a little while. To be honest it's all too much and it sucks and I told him that. It just plain sucks. I hope that I can find the strength in myself to make it through what will undoubtedly be the hardest time in our marriage and my life. If I go home at least I will have the support of my friends and family and that means the world to me. Life is hard and sometimes it knocks you down, lets just hope I can be the strength that my children will need in the upcoming months and still find strength for myself.
One good thing about the conversation that is far from over is that he knows how you feel, knows your need more, knows you expect more, and knows that he better give you want you want before he gets deployed or it's going to be one unpleasant year. I did manage to get the little trip home to see the family that I wanted, the extra ultrasound, and a sincere I'm sorry and I love you. Oh and I am now officially allowed to declare what we do next after we leave this duty station because I'm sick of being at his and the Army's mercy.
While I am happy I have gotten a few minor things that I wanted, I'm still brokenhearted that I will most likely be without him for the birth of our second child. I will likely be in another state with a new doctor (which I'm not happy about because I really like my midwife at this hospital) and if I can swing it I will only have one dog to worry about instead of three. Anyone want to adopt two dogs for three or four months while I manage to keep my sanity for just a bit longer?
There are a lot of things to consider...for all I know the stars could align and he might not even get deployed, but it looks like all the possible units he could go to will be leaving in March or sometime around then....sooner than I thought. We're not sure if he'd go that soon as there's so much to do before deployment but it's possible and I'm not happy about it. It would get him home for Christmas which would be wonderful. So, here I am, still wondering, but now wondering when instead of if he'll get deployed. At times I wish I could just say, he needs to quit, but it's not like you can really do that and despite his master's degree he's not sure what he'll do in the private sector. Just this morning I was looking up bedding for my toddler hopping to redo his room and now he may not even use it but a few weeks before he ends up getting moved back to the grandparents...if they'll have me, my son, my dog, my lizard, and my amphibian...AND I can find some one to take our other two dogs for a little while. To be honest it's all too much and it sucks and I told him that. It just plain sucks. I hope that I can find the strength in myself to make it through what will undoubtedly be the hardest time in our marriage and my life. If I go home at least I will have the support of my friends and family and that means the world to me. Life is hard and sometimes it knocks you down, lets just hope I can be the strength that my children will need in the upcoming months and still find strength for myself.
Friday, January 25, 2013
I wish I had a mute button
After a couple weeks back and by myself I have had day after day of barking and oddly enough leaking (I'll get to this later) dogs. I wish there was a mute button for my smallest dog who finds it necessary to bark every time the other two play or I'm chasing after my son who's having the time of his life running around the house. Then there's the larger dogs who could benefit from a mute button. One of them seems to think it's great to bark at every dog she hears while she's outside and the other finds it fun to growl while playing, thus upsetting the smaller dog and occasionally waking the baby.
But lets not forget the leaking dog. Ever since we adopted her we'd have bouts of leakage that we'd find on our couch. We have a sectional so it's a rather large couch and she tends to frequent two spots on this couch. Luckily the place where I usually sit is not one of those spots. However, after cleaning up after her for the third day in a row I'm now inclined to make my couch seem like an old lady couch by putting plastic on it. I've washed the blanket that stays on it every day for the last three days. Not to mention she likes to dig and she's had multiple baths in one week.
Don't get me wrong, I love my dogs and I'm glad I have them, but man oh man can they be annoying. I feel bad for the largest one because she gets bored and just wants me to throw her darn ball which she refuses to release from her jaws thus making it hard to throw unless she loosens her grip so I can grab it only to tighten it again as I try to take it out of her mouth, thus getting gnawed on. She's a hunting dog and needs to be run outside in the fields for hours to tire her out...my husbands job. I have to say, I am looking forward to his return not only to see him, but to have him play with his beloved pooch! If you only knew how spoiled she is with him. Sometimes I think she gets more cuddle time than I do! Granted I don't cuddle on the floor at 8pm at night and fall asleep.
I have to say, I am desperate to talk to my husband to find out some news about this year. I hope I find out this weekend and I'm sure you'll hear about it. I may be elated that he got stuck with a job that will keep him on US soil or beside myself trying to figure out what I'm going to do when May comes and I'm 8 months pregnant and he is shipping off to Afghanistan. But, I need to worry only about one thing until I get that news...what necklace am I going to wear to the ball since I have everything else. I still can't believe I'm going to a ball pregnant. I had no desire to do so and then I just got tired of feeling like a slob living in pj pants and shirts. Granted I dressed up to go to Walmart...I put on jeans. I seriously considered wearing pj pants but then realized I could only bring myself to go to the mail box and no further in those pants. They aren't ugly looking, but on principle I just couldn't do it unless it was 3am and I was in college again. Or maybe when it's 3pm and I have two kids and still have the three dogs and just need a flippin thing of milk and want to get in and out as fast as possible because I've had no sleep in three weeks and can't bare to walk around the store to get the rest of the items on my list. I'm thinking tomorrow I might actually decide to leave the comfort of my pj pants and toasty house to venture out into the unknown that is the local mall. I might even go to Target and look at some bedding I wanted for my son, or if I get really bold and my precious boy decides to halt his crying long enough after making two or three stops already, I might even go to Hobby Lobby or Walmart and get a few things I need. And maybe I might even go to Panera! Wow, I have an exciting life! Well, this is how things change when you are a mom and have to work around naps, limited sleep (thank you dogs for making me get up at 3:30 this morning) and a boy who has the time limit of how many cheerios are in his cup before all hell breaks loose and you need an emergency evacuation plan. Ok, he's not that bad, but it does get bad sometimes.
It's funny how life can change in the blink of an eye. I miss my freedom and my ability to have a nice drink! However, I love being a mom, I love reading books to him before bed and kissing him goodnight. I love opening his door and seeing that smile or watching him sleep. I never wanted kids and now even with the craziness of my household, I'm so blessed to have my boy. Here's hoping the next one is a girl though! I need more estrogen in this house!!!! (And the dogs don't count)
But lets not forget the leaking dog. Ever since we adopted her we'd have bouts of leakage that we'd find on our couch. We have a sectional so it's a rather large couch and she tends to frequent two spots on this couch. Luckily the place where I usually sit is not one of those spots. However, after cleaning up after her for the third day in a row I'm now inclined to make my couch seem like an old lady couch by putting plastic on it. I've washed the blanket that stays on it every day for the last three days. Not to mention she likes to dig and she's had multiple baths in one week.
Don't get me wrong, I love my dogs and I'm glad I have them, but man oh man can they be annoying. I feel bad for the largest one because she gets bored and just wants me to throw her darn ball which she refuses to release from her jaws thus making it hard to throw unless she loosens her grip so I can grab it only to tighten it again as I try to take it out of her mouth, thus getting gnawed on. She's a hunting dog and needs to be run outside in the fields for hours to tire her out...my husbands job. I have to say, I am looking forward to his return not only to see him, but to have him play with his beloved pooch! If you only knew how spoiled she is with him. Sometimes I think she gets more cuddle time than I do! Granted I don't cuddle on the floor at 8pm at night and fall asleep.
I have to say, I am desperate to talk to my husband to find out some news about this year. I hope I find out this weekend and I'm sure you'll hear about it. I may be elated that he got stuck with a job that will keep him on US soil or beside myself trying to figure out what I'm going to do when May comes and I'm 8 months pregnant and he is shipping off to Afghanistan. But, I need to worry only about one thing until I get that news...what necklace am I going to wear to the ball since I have everything else. I still can't believe I'm going to a ball pregnant. I had no desire to do so and then I just got tired of feeling like a slob living in pj pants and shirts. Granted I dressed up to go to Walmart...I put on jeans. I seriously considered wearing pj pants but then realized I could only bring myself to go to the mail box and no further in those pants. They aren't ugly looking, but on principle I just couldn't do it unless it was 3am and I was in college again. Or maybe when it's 3pm and I have two kids and still have the three dogs and just need a flippin thing of milk and want to get in and out as fast as possible because I've had no sleep in three weeks and can't bare to walk around the store to get the rest of the items on my list. I'm thinking tomorrow I might actually decide to leave the comfort of my pj pants and toasty house to venture out into the unknown that is the local mall. I might even go to Target and look at some bedding I wanted for my son, or if I get really bold and my precious boy decides to halt his crying long enough after making two or three stops already, I might even go to Hobby Lobby or Walmart and get a few things I need. And maybe I might even go to Panera! Wow, I have an exciting life! Well, this is how things change when you are a mom and have to work around naps, limited sleep (thank you dogs for making me get up at 3:30 this morning) and a boy who has the time limit of how many cheerios are in his cup before all hell breaks loose and you need an emergency evacuation plan. Ok, he's not that bad, but it does get bad sometimes.
It's funny how life can change in the blink of an eye. I miss my freedom and my ability to have a nice drink! However, I love being a mom, I love reading books to him before bed and kissing him goodnight. I love opening his door and seeing that smile or watching him sleep. I never wanted kids and now even with the craziness of my household, I'm so blessed to have my boy. Here's hoping the next one is a girl though! I need more estrogen in this house!!!! (And the dogs don't count)
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Nothing much but hoping for good news
Help! I'm a Military Spouse--I Want a Life Too!: How to Craft a Life for YOU as You Move with the Military...this is the book a fellow military wife told me about today. And seeing as I can buy a used copy for less than $4 with shipping I thought what the heck. Most of it is stuff I think I can probably figure out or maybe I already know, but might need a reminder of and some of it doesn't apply (like getting a job since I'm staying at home until my babies are in kindergarten). While I think I may have cooled down a bit after a rather unhappy morning and afternoon yesterday, I am still dead set on my plan of action.
I have found some things that I believe will help me get some me time and learn a skill I've been interested in for a while. Now if only I wasn't expecting to get huge and not have space on my lap for a guitar or I'd get guitar lessons. That will be the goal after I have this baby, take guitar lessons....then get famous by singing and playing my own songs. A girl can dream!
After thinking about what might happen in the months to come, I thought, why not look to see what might be rentable back home in case I wanted to go home and be close to family during the deployment. Sadly, I don't know it if will work with my husbands financial plan and it gives me all the more strength to stand up for what I want. I just don't know how I will manage to stay sane during a 9+ month deployment. I've been through the year long deployment, but not with three dogs and two children (one being a newborn)! I was able to start running and taking my dog with me and rowing a lot and that helped, not to mention I had a job to keep me busy. This time around I would have no job and no way of going running unless I managed to get a sitter nearly everyday (and that won't be cheap).
So, I guess I have a lot to think about and none of it I can think about now because I don't know what is going to happen until at least this weekend when he might get some news.
Being in the military has some benifits, but when it comes to family we are never top priority, despite the military's attempts to say that they want to be more family friendly. Soldiers have to consider the family as well as the military has to consider the soldiers and their families. I have seen many men leave their families for deployments and I have seen a father cry as he had to leave his newborn child for a year. So much happens in that first year of life and I can't imagine missing that. I think that in my mind I see the families that have great fathers that don't have to worry about going away and don't have month long training or 9 month or one year deployments and I wish I could have that. One day I will.
Here's to hoping I get good news this weekend.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
I'm back! And dreaming of running.
Too tired yesterday to type and the day before..well, I don't know what happened, but here I am!
So the opportunity to wear a pretty dress and look amazing has come up and I'm still on the fence about spending a bunch of money on a dress and babysitter, but the more and more I think about it, I would like to feel beautiful again. No one has made any comment that I look big, or fat or anything, but as a pregnant woman I think you start to really miss your old body and being able to wear normal clothes so that eventually you just want to look pretty again. And right now, I'm kinda at that point. I know I have months before I'll be able to wear anything that I could wear a couple months ago, so I've decided I just have to suck it up and try to look as pretty as I can. Even if that means spending a bunch of money on a dress I'll wear once and then dancing like a fool with my big belly!
Not only would I have made my pregnant self all pretty, but I'd be out there on the dance floor dancing the tango, cha cha, froxtrot, waltz, swing and salsa if my dance buddy will have me and my belly! Maybe I'll make my husband jealous of my fabulous dance tallent with his coworker that he'll want to take lessons to. HA HA HA. Yeah, he's got two left feet and no desire to learn dance, so I'll dream on that one. Although, it would be sweet to be able to dance those dances with your hubby, but mine is just not that rhythmically inclined.
With 5 or so more months to go, I figure it's time to think about how I want to go about my workouts when I have the baby. Ha ha, yeah...when I have time...but I'll make time or I'll probably go crazy! I figure this will give me something to look forward to. I know I can start running 6 weeks after I have the baby, so I can start from there. I can look for races, 5K's first, because you have to start somewhere, then a 10K and finally my half marathon in spring 2014. I am looking forward to that one! I guess the other reason I am thinking about this is because I got my new subscription to Runners World in the mail today. My last subscription expired in October and I decided to renew it since I got an amazon gift card for Christmas and figured a two year subscription will keep the magazines coming until my half marathon and then some, so it will keep me motivated when I am a zombie from no sleep and would rather melt into my bed than strap on a pair of my latest Asics or Saucaony's. However you spell that.
All and all I think my current state just comes down to beauty and being self conscious for all those years. No one is perfect and as you age I think you tend to notice more and more about your bodies imperfections, but as we get older we tend to get imperfections as well as notice them, so all and all it's a cruel joke mother nature plays on us. I suppose I notice the fine lines on my face and the things that have changed since having children, but the one light I have at the end of my tunnel is that I now know I can bounce back from having children to weighing less than I did my senior year of high school! It gives me hope and drives me forward, which is probably why I'm so eager to get back to my prepregnancy look. I know my husband will not find me ugly or fat, and I know he likes natural beauty instead of man made enhancements, so that is a relief. But society views women in such a light that a size 8 is getting bigger and a size 4 would be great. I'll never be a size 4, unless you consider the Old Navy jeans I tried on, but I can strive to attain that body which I've always wanted and perhaps my quest after having the second baby will be to better myself by making myself look and feel great. I get a high and a stress relief when I'm running. The breeze you get when running, the freedom to go where you want and not have to worry about anything but the music in your ears (an the occasional car), and the sweat (which I used to despise with every fiber of my being) that soaks my clothes because I've just run 8 miles and my body is not screaming at me to stop. A sense of accomplishment, a sense of worth, and knowing that I can and do enjoy something I once loathed makes me feel good because I know it's good for me both mentally, emotionally, and physically. Running is a freedom for me and one day I'll get back to it. I might have to push a double jogging stroller and stop to feed snacks and pick up binkies or toys, but I'll be doing something I can enjoy and be proud of and I'm getting my children out with me in nature and sharing my joy with them is worth it. So bring it on mother nature, I'll take the next 5 months and I'll raise you the rest of my life as I know I can become a better person and take pride in myself because I can use what you gave me to make my life a better life. And Ohio, I'm coming for you in 2014...and I'm ready to kick some half marathon ass!
So the opportunity to wear a pretty dress and look amazing has come up and I'm still on the fence about spending a bunch of money on a dress and babysitter, but the more and more I think about it, I would like to feel beautiful again. No one has made any comment that I look big, or fat or anything, but as a pregnant woman I think you start to really miss your old body and being able to wear normal clothes so that eventually you just want to look pretty again. And right now, I'm kinda at that point. I know I have months before I'll be able to wear anything that I could wear a couple months ago, so I've decided I just have to suck it up and try to look as pretty as I can. Even if that means spending a bunch of money on a dress I'll wear once and then dancing like a fool with my big belly!
Not only would I have made my pregnant self all pretty, but I'd be out there on the dance floor dancing the tango, cha cha, froxtrot, waltz, swing and salsa if my dance buddy will have me and my belly! Maybe I'll make my husband jealous of my fabulous dance tallent with his coworker that he'll want to take lessons to. HA HA HA. Yeah, he's got two left feet and no desire to learn dance, so I'll dream on that one. Although, it would be sweet to be able to dance those dances with your hubby, but mine is just not that rhythmically inclined.
With 5 or so more months to go, I figure it's time to think about how I want to go about my workouts when I have the baby. Ha ha, yeah...when I have time...but I'll make time or I'll probably go crazy! I figure this will give me something to look forward to. I know I can start running 6 weeks after I have the baby, so I can start from there. I can look for races, 5K's first, because you have to start somewhere, then a 10K and finally my half marathon in spring 2014. I am looking forward to that one! I guess the other reason I am thinking about this is because I got my new subscription to Runners World in the mail today. My last subscription expired in October and I decided to renew it since I got an amazon gift card for Christmas and figured a two year subscription will keep the magazines coming until my half marathon and then some, so it will keep me motivated when I am a zombie from no sleep and would rather melt into my bed than strap on a pair of my latest Asics or Saucaony's. However you spell that.
All and all I think my current state just comes down to beauty and being self conscious for all those years. No one is perfect and as you age I think you tend to notice more and more about your bodies imperfections, but as we get older we tend to get imperfections as well as notice them, so all and all it's a cruel joke mother nature plays on us. I suppose I notice the fine lines on my face and the things that have changed since having children, but the one light I have at the end of my tunnel is that I now know I can bounce back from having children to weighing less than I did my senior year of high school! It gives me hope and drives me forward, which is probably why I'm so eager to get back to my prepregnancy look. I know my husband will not find me ugly or fat, and I know he likes natural beauty instead of man made enhancements, so that is a relief. But society views women in such a light that a size 8 is getting bigger and a size 4 would be great. I'll never be a size 4, unless you consider the Old Navy jeans I tried on, but I can strive to attain that body which I've always wanted and perhaps my quest after having the second baby will be to better myself by making myself look and feel great. I get a high and a stress relief when I'm running. The breeze you get when running, the freedom to go where you want and not have to worry about anything but the music in your ears (an the occasional car), and the sweat (which I used to despise with every fiber of my being) that soaks my clothes because I've just run 8 miles and my body is not screaming at me to stop. A sense of accomplishment, a sense of worth, and knowing that I can and do enjoy something I once loathed makes me feel good because I know it's good for me both mentally, emotionally, and physically. Running is a freedom for me and one day I'll get back to it. I might have to push a double jogging stroller and stop to feed snacks and pick up binkies or toys, but I'll be doing something I can enjoy and be proud of and I'm getting my children out with me in nature and sharing my joy with them is worth it. So bring it on mother nature, I'll take the next 5 months and I'll raise you the rest of my life as I know I can become a better person and take pride in myself because I can use what you gave me to make my life a better life. And Ohio, I'm coming for you in 2014...and I'm ready to kick some half marathon ass!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
"Let them (me) eat cake"
After a great day...sunny, not too cold, saw other adults including a friend and her kids at the park where my son had a blast playing on slides and swings...I am ready to sit down and eat something amazing, something rich, something covered in frosting. So I'm eating a cucumber with yogurt ranch dip. Not quite what I had in mind, but seeing as it's 9pm I don't really feel up to baking a cake and waiting to ice it until tomorrow or very late this evening. Perhaps if I had a box of cake mix I could be persuaded, but I'm making a chocolate cake from scratch, so no, I'm going to bake it tomorrow and enjoy the not so sweet, but still satisfying cucumber and dip. Perhaps even a grape tomato or two.
Today's big dilemma was trying to figure out if I should get a bed or a crib for the upcoming baby and my toddler. While I have a wonderful convertible crib and changer, I'd love to get a white one if I have a girl and if not then it doesn't matter, but as for the bed, I'm not sure if my son will stay in it to sleep. I have 7 months before I have to make this decision and get my son used to a new bed or else buy another crib. Suppose I should talk to my husband first, but I guess we'll see how it goes. I figure he'll go for the cheaper option...that tends to be the way of things.
Alas, my cucumber is no more, I do believe I will get some tomatoes unless I give into temptation and grab a piece of dark chocolate. No, tomatoes, tomatoes!!! Ok, tomatoes in hand.
Anyway, I am looking forward to the day my husband comes home...for many reasons, but one big one is to see how well I can shuffle my pregnant self down the street. Luckily I'm still in the second trimester and have some rather form fitting clothes to keep the bounce in check should I need it, but man would I love to go for a run. The music in my ears, wind on my face, and nothing to think about but how far I want to go and how fast I can go.
Damn, out of tomatoes. Well, probably for the best since I don't want to eat too much dip.
Where was I, running, yes, I love the feeling that I'm doing something good for myself, like working off that piece of cake that I will make and eat soon. And I love knowing that I'm able bodied enough to be able to run and enjoy it. I have to say I contribute a lot of my happiness this past year to my running. While it is hard and two half marathons in a month was a challenge, especially when you get the pregnancy fatigue, I was happy to have a running buddy, be in better shape than I have been in ages, feel confident about my ability, and go faster than I had ever. I was starting to feel less self conscious, which is a big feat for me.
One thing that has got me thinking is that after the baby is born, I have a month or so before turning 30 and while I'm not dreading the big 30, I am thinking about how some things are going to be different when I finally get my body back. Now, I've been married for 5 years and love to go dancing but have only been to clubs a handful of times and I can't help but wonder if I'm getting too old for it? I can't try out for American Idol, or the Glee project, or pass for anyone younger than 25 I'm sure. I've got (or will have) two kids which makes it hard to get out and go anywhere, but having had them, I feel as though my body has changed and I'm not 100% happy with the end result. There will be plenty of exercise coming this fall and next spring though! Half marathon spring of 2014 here I come!
I did see something today that got me thinking though. I was on facebook and oddly enough there was an add for boudoir photography close to where I grew up and visit at least twice a year (when I'm close enough...aka not in Hawaii). So I clicked on it, curious to see where it was located and found it to be quite close to where my parents live/where I stay when I go home. I looked at the blog which showed a few clients photos and a lot of them have kids...and they look freaking amazing! It did say that those women love to workout and thus have great bodies, but mentioned how several of the women have multiple kids and I thought, "I can do this!" I had boudoir shots taken of me a few years back and would love to do them again...after I've had kids and gotten a decent body back. So, perhaps this too will be on my 2014 list. Now I just have to get the motivation and time to work out religiously! Perhaps I will eat my fair share of cake now and try to limit my cake in 2014....new years resolution??? So for now, I will eat cake!
Today's big dilemma was trying to figure out if I should get a bed or a crib for the upcoming baby and my toddler. While I have a wonderful convertible crib and changer, I'd love to get a white one if I have a girl and if not then it doesn't matter, but as for the bed, I'm not sure if my son will stay in it to sleep. I have 7 months before I have to make this decision and get my son used to a new bed or else buy another crib. Suppose I should talk to my husband first, but I guess we'll see how it goes. I figure he'll go for the cheaper option...that tends to be the way of things.
Alas, my cucumber is no more, I do believe I will get some tomatoes unless I give into temptation and grab a piece of dark chocolate. No, tomatoes, tomatoes!!! Ok, tomatoes in hand.
Anyway, I am looking forward to the day my husband comes home...for many reasons, but one big one is to see how well I can shuffle my pregnant self down the street. Luckily I'm still in the second trimester and have some rather form fitting clothes to keep the bounce in check should I need it, but man would I love to go for a run. The music in my ears, wind on my face, and nothing to think about but how far I want to go and how fast I can go.
Damn, out of tomatoes. Well, probably for the best since I don't want to eat too much dip.
Where was I, running, yes, I love the feeling that I'm doing something good for myself, like working off that piece of cake that I will make and eat soon. And I love knowing that I'm able bodied enough to be able to run and enjoy it. I have to say I contribute a lot of my happiness this past year to my running. While it is hard and two half marathons in a month was a challenge, especially when you get the pregnancy fatigue, I was happy to have a running buddy, be in better shape than I have been in ages, feel confident about my ability, and go faster than I had ever. I was starting to feel less self conscious, which is a big feat for me.
One thing that has got me thinking is that after the baby is born, I have a month or so before turning 30 and while I'm not dreading the big 30, I am thinking about how some things are going to be different when I finally get my body back. Now, I've been married for 5 years and love to go dancing but have only been to clubs a handful of times and I can't help but wonder if I'm getting too old for it? I can't try out for American Idol, or the Glee project, or pass for anyone younger than 25 I'm sure. I've got (or will have) two kids which makes it hard to get out and go anywhere, but having had them, I feel as though my body has changed and I'm not 100% happy with the end result. There will be plenty of exercise coming this fall and next spring though! Half marathon spring of 2014 here I come!
I did see something today that got me thinking though. I was on facebook and oddly enough there was an add for boudoir photography close to where I grew up and visit at least twice a year (when I'm close enough...aka not in Hawaii). So I clicked on it, curious to see where it was located and found it to be quite close to where my parents live/where I stay when I go home. I looked at the blog which showed a few clients photos and a lot of them have kids...and they look freaking amazing! It did say that those women love to workout and thus have great bodies, but mentioned how several of the women have multiple kids and I thought, "I can do this!" I had boudoir shots taken of me a few years back and would love to do them again...after I've had kids and gotten a decent body back. So, perhaps this too will be on my 2014 list. Now I just have to get the motivation and time to work out religiously! Perhaps I will eat my fair share of cake now and try to limit my cake in 2014....new years resolution??? So for now, I will eat cake!
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