Too tired yesterday to type and the day before..well, I don't know what happened, but here I am!
So the opportunity to wear a pretty dress and look amazing has come up and I'm still on the fence about spending a bunch of money on a dress and babysitter, but the more and more I think about it, I would like to feel beautiful again. No one has made any comment that I look big, or fat or anything, but as a pregnant woman I think you start to really miss your old body and being able to wear normal clothes so that eventually you just want to look pretty again. And right now, I'm kinda at that point. I know I have months before I'll be able to wear anything that I could wear a couple months ago, so I've decided I just have to suck it up and try to look as pretty as I can. Even if that means spending a bunch of money on a dress I'll wear once and then dancing like a fool with my big belly!
Not only would I have made my pregnant self all pretty, but I'd be out there on the dance floor dancing the tango, cha cha, froxtrot, waltz, swing and salsa if my dance buddy will have me and my belly! Maybe I'll make my husband jealous of my fabulous dance tallent with his coworker that he'll want to take lessons to. HA HA HA. Yeah, he's got two left feet and no desire to learn dance, so I'll dream on that one. Although, it would be sweet to be able to dance those dances with your hubby, but mine is just not that rhythmically inclined.
With 5 or so more months to go, I figure it's time to think about how I want to go about my workouts when I have the baby. Ha ha, yeah...when I have time...but I'll make time or I'll probably go crazy! I figure this will give me something to look forward to. I know I can start running 6 weeks after I have the baby, so I can start from there. I can look for races, 5K's first, because you have to start somewhere, then a 10K and finally my half marathon in spring 2014. I am looking forward to that one! I guess the other reason I am thinking about this is because I got my new subscription to Runners World in the mail today. My last subscription expired in October and I decided to renew it since I got an amazon gift card for Christmas and figured a two year subscription will keep the magazines coming until my half marathon and then some, so it will keep me motivated when I am a zombie from no sleep and would rather melt into my bed than strap on a pair of my latest Asics or Saucaony's. However you spell that.
All and all I think my current state just comes down to beauty and being self conscious for all those years. No one is perfect and as you age I think you tend to notice more and more about your bodies imperfections, but as we get older we tend to get imperfections as well as notice them, so all and all it's a cruel joke mother nature plays on us. I suppose I notice the fine lines on my face and the things that have changed since having children, but the one light I have at the end of my tunnel is that I now know I can bounce back from having children to weighing less than I did my senior year of high school! It gives me hope and drives me forward, which is probably why I'm so eager to get back to my prepregnancy look. I know my husband will not find me ugly or fat, and I know he likes natural beauty instead of man made enhancements, so that is a relief. But society views women in such a light that a size 8 is getting bigger and a size 4 would be great. I'll never be a size 4, unless you consider the Old Navy jeans I tried on, but I can strive to attain that body which I've always wanted and perhaps my quest after having the second baby will be to better myself by making myself look and feel great. I get a high and a stress relief when I'm running. The breeze you get when running, the freedom to go where you want and not have to worry about anything but the music in your ears (an the occasional car), and the sweat (which I used to despise with every fiber of my being) that soaks my clothes because I've just run 8 miles and my body is not screaming at me to stop. A sense of accomplishment, a sense of worth, and knowing that I can and do enjoy something I once loathed makes me feel good because I know it's good for me both mentally, emotionally, and physically. Running is a freedom for me and one day I'll get back to it. I might have to push a double jogging stroller and stop to feed snacks and pick up binkies or toys, but I'll be doing something I can enjoy and be proud of and I'm getting my children out with me in nature and sharing my joy with them is worth it. So bring it on mother nature, I'll take the next 5 months and I'll raise you the rest of my life as I know I can become a better person and take pride in myself because I can use what you gave me to make my life a better life. And Ohio, I'm coming for you in 2014...and I'm ready to kick some half marathon ass!
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