Today is day two of the deployment...well technically it's about day 1 1/2, but we'll just go with 2. It started with a good cry on the way home from post. I turned up the music and took off the mirror I attach to see my son so it wasn't so obvious to my little one that mommy was upset. As I drove home I realized he won't see his daddy for a long time and he was just starting to really connect with him.
My husband and son haven't had a close bond like I do with our son, but that is mostly because I'm the main caregiver and he's usually at work and doesn't have much time to spend with him when he gets home. So, it breaks my heart to see them having such a great time and enjoying each others company so much only to have to be ripped apart. I could tell my our son was really enjoying having his daddy to play with and I was really enjoying the help and watching the bond form between them. Sadly, this is what can happen when a parent gets deployed. I only hope that he is excited to see his daddy when he comes home (hopefully in time ) for the birth of our second child.
Someone else missing their daddy is a beloved hunting dog who has been rather friendly and close to me since her daddy left. I don't know how I'm going to handle having all the craziness of three dogs and a toddler, but luckily the toddler and our sweet, but crazy hunting dog are fast becoming playmates.
As for me, well as I said I've had a good cry, felt pretty sad, bored, and lonely, and have managed to eat a ton of sweets in the past few days. However, I have to get myself into a routine and get focused on all of the many projects I have lined up. I have to train our newest canine addition (she's a nightmare on a leash and has no patience just a ton of energy), make some things to put in the nursery (getting my crafty side ready to go again), learn to actually sew clothing not just pillows and simple things, and many more ideas. I'm not sure how many I'll get sorted before I have the baby because I'm sure once I have a toddler and a newborn my "me" time will be zilch, but I look forward to the challenge anyway. Currently I'm just trying to figure out how my baby belly could possibly get any bigger to accommodate this little one and thinking about how I can't wait to get back to running and being able to do the simple things like lay on my stomach, back, or any variation of sleeping position that doesn't require extra pillows. While I love having a tiny baby to hold, I hate having my body stressed (one flight of stairs feels like 4 these days) and stretched beyond comprehension. I look forward to the day when I'll be thin again, able to run my 8.5 min mile, lift something more than 30lbs without feeling the muscles in my side ache, and be able to sleep a whole night without having to get up to pee! All that aside, I have been blessed with a child and soon to be another one. I have never had problems conceiving and for that I am thankful as I know some who have not been so lucky. The journey continues and each day I'm sure I'll have new challenges. I guess I just have to get my butt off the internet (this blog is not helping!) and get started on my projects, get a routine figured out, and make sure to stay connected (both myself and our son) to someone who is halfway across the globe. Deployments suck and I'll be glad when this is over, but I am proud and I know that this is one price (a very big one) I have to pay to be able to have the life I have today. Tomorrow is another day and I guess a good way to look at it is that it's one less day to be alone.
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