I forgot to write!!

Well, I hate to say it but I totally forgot to write in my blog!  What a good blogger I am!  To be honest, I get little sleep...still after 5 months (nearly 6) of her life she still has a hard time sleeping longer than an hour, which makes for a tired and busy person. My little angel doesn't really take long naps...prehaps 1/2 hour, so I have little time to do what I want to do since my son rarely takes a nap at the same time. I do however get an hour or two after they're both in bed before I have to run up to stuff a binky back in her mouth.

So, that being said, I suck at writing on here!  Anyway, sleep issues aside, I have had some interesting dreams since I don't tend to get that deep sleep I really need, I get dreams instead. I had a couple of an old friend recently, and I've had a few bad dreams (probably because I watch shows like Grimm right before bed). But all and all I'm hoping and praying for the night when she'll sleep like an angel the whole night and then both kids will wait until 7 to get up. I tend to get a wake up call from my oldest at 5:30 or 6. No extra sleep for this chica! 

I have survived this deployment thus far, but I have to say it sucks. I'm burnt out now. The daily grind is really starting to grind into my mental and physical endurance and wear me down. To be honest, I would love nothing more than to sit in front of the tv with a few of my favorite shows or new movies, a pint of ice cream, and not have to worry about a crying baby. My son was never this bad so I think I was just spoiled then. Anyway, it's been a challenge these last few weeks. And I have a sore back most days...actually it's kind of tingly because I'm holding a baby all the time and it's overworked. It reminds me of my crew days when I had to have electro therapy for a muscle issue.

Today was a day when I just needed to write. Even if no one reads this, I needed to say something. I have a lot of feelings going on right now. I miss an old friend. I am exhausted physically and mentally. I miss my husband. I miss my family. I wish I had some "me time." I want to just let go and go party downtown, but obviously can't. I want to get in shape (although I did weight one pound under what my goal weight is so that is awesome!) and I just want to feel like I can breathe. I think the last deployment was hard, but I was able to do things for me and I was able to keep going, but this deployment leaves me with barely a moment to think and feel for myself and it's simply the hardest thing to deal with sometimes. I've had many scream into a pillow days simply because I have no way to release stress. Hell, I'm lucky if I even get a shower with out a crying baby, let alone a nice relaxing bubble bath. Either way, life kinda sucks now. The only great thing in it is my beautiful kids and their smiling faces. But I have to say, my little girl screams like a banshee and it hurts my ears. Her volume is set on max and even when she just wakes from sleep she screams pretty loud. There's no gentle sound from that one. That also wears me out. My blood pressure has to sky rocket multiple times at night simply from waking to her crying.

Well, here's hoping that in the next month my angel stops waking every hour and lets me get at least 3 hours of consecutive sleep. And speaking of sleep, perhaps I should go to bed now. It's 9:30 and I might be able to get an extra hour in if I go now. Hmmmm. Better go brush my teeth instead of indulge in another glass of wine.  Until tomorrow wine, computer, and blog. Here's hoping I remember!

Where does the time go?

Well, obviously I haven't written in ages and to be honest, it's hard to find the time and sometimes the motivation. I seem to end up at the end of the day hopefully wishing I could just settle down on the couch with a nice glass of wine, some chocolate, and a good movie or show to watch...then I remember I have to feed the baby in half an hour, it's 9pm and I'll likely be up by 6 so I should probably just go to bed.

The highlight of my week last week was that I finally got DVR so I can watch my shows when I have time and pause them to finish them later. The other day I got through a whole movie...a WHOLE MOVIE!  My son did however wake up during a war scene (not the thing you want your child to see when his dad's away at war) so I promptly fast forwarded of it or waited until he left the room and was on to the rest of the movie. I also discovered I can make some fantastic pumpkin m&m cookies. Simply amazing and so soft and tasty!  To finish the week (or start the weekend) I had my sister over for a night before she and her hubby went into the city so that was nice. We managed to spend some time at a Winery and got some great wine! And last but not least, my oven "bake element" or the coil on the bottom (whatever you call it) blew and scared the crap out of me as I watched it spark and move around the bottom of the oven. All and all about a foot of it was destroyed. Luckily I got a replacement part and installed it today. I sorta become a handywoman when my hubby is gone as I have no one to do certain things for me and I have to attempt to fix things that always choose the best times to break (when I'm alone). I do believe I'll be trying out the oven later as I have more m&m's (a potty training incentive that happens to coincide with the cookie recipe) and pumpkin pudding to make the cookies. And I know if I leave the bag open and don't make the cookies I'll just eat the m&ms.

Next week I may have yet another set of visitors which will be nice considering that I'll be on my own all next month. :(  Not sure what I'll do for the holidays...makes it hard when you have to decide if you want to board all three dogs and pack up or just wait until your hubby comes home and you can try to go then. As of now, no trips are planned but who knows if I'll go home for Thanksgiving...doubtful I'll make it there for Christmas since hubbs will be home a few weeks after.

Anyway, I don't really have any more time to type this as my son has been enjoying (and glued to) the TV for a good bit of the afternoon and I still have to figure out a recipe to make the venison stir-fry I want with the ingredients I have.  Man, where does the time go. It seems like it was just 11am, and it doesn't seem like it should be mid October yet! Oh well, lets hope November and December goes fast! Until another time!

Being a "single mom" sucks!

Ah the joys of single motherhood.  Well, sorta single. There are times in my day when I just say to myself (or the crying baby) "this is a time when it would sure help to have your dad here."  Usually it's because I'm in the middle of doing something with my toddler or cooking, or even trying to workout or shower. While I do enjoy some of the solitude I get....pshhh wait, solitude, HA what is that?!?!  Yeah, today (or was it yesterday, they all run together) I was in the middle of cleaning a poopy fanny and the baby decided she wanted to wail during the middle of the diaper change.  (We're still working on potty training, regression sucks, but hopefully with no new changes we should be getting somewhere!) Then there was the "lets see how many times mom can run up and down the steps while giving my older brother a bath and needing to stuff the binky in my mouth" bit. That was a fun cardio workout. At least I can say that I'm much better at climbing the stairs quickly with out feeling out of shape anymore. Man, those stairs were killer when I first got back to my house after giving birth and being with the family for a few months in a one story ranch style house. Anyway, there are just some times when "me time" would be awesome. I guess this right now is as good as it gets. My boy is in bed and the baby is sleeping until about 10 or 10:30 when she'll want fed again...or until she decides she wants to move from her current location. I have a hard time trying to figure out what to do at night. Part of me wants to do nothing and zone out while watching mind-numbing tv, while the other part says "get off your butt and workout." Then there's the "lets see what's on facebook and maybe I got an email" or "I should just go to bed, but then again I have a project I want to finish....sewing or bed....sewing or bed????"  Who knew what precious little time I would have to myself. Sadly I still need a shower and it's freaking hard to accomplish that this time of night because I never know if my baby will wake and cry. I do take lightening fast showers that way though. The other day I had no more than squirted shampoo in my hands then she started to cry. Needless to say that was the fastest shower ever and then there are some days when I'd LOVE to sit in the tub with some lavender bubble bath that I have, but I know it's a fat chance in hell that I'd be able to calm down enough to sit in there until I look like a prune. Oh well. I suppose I won't always be stuck in this spot. And let me tell you, when my husband has reclaimed his role as daddy...I'm taking a vacation!! Ok, well not literally, but I am planning on handing over some diaper duty and saying "deuces" as I go out the door in my spiffy running gear to get a good run in. There's a lot I think you take for granted when you have someone else to help raise two kids, but when you're on your own, man the simplest things can be a challenge. Today I was so happy that I actually got through walmart without any major issues (that is if you don't count the screaming toddler I had in the cart as I was in the parking lot trying to walk into Walmart). Well, the countdown continues as my single motherhood shall come to an end, but until then I better put my big girl panties on and be the best freaking mom I can be! 

People that make us who we are and teach us what to be

Today I am sitting here as my son and daughter sleep (at the same time!!!) and thinking about all things that have come to be in my life. I've just spent the last 4 months with at least one if not all of my immediate family (husband excluded) and now I'm left to determine my own strength. Today I watched my husband hit the deck three times during a skype call as his base in Afghanistan got bombed while my toddler ran around playing with his trains and my daughter slept in her infant swing. And by the end of the call we were just talking about how funny our son is as he played in the bedroom wrapping himself up in his sheets and rolling around.
Everyday I'm so thankful for what precious gifts I have in my family and friends and each day I'm reminded as I look through photos and facebook statuses of those I've lost or those who I used to know well and now only see in the occasional message or fb update. I know that I have been blessed to have the life I have. As challenging as it may be now, I know that this makes me stronger and gives me the strength to soldier on and keep my kids happy and safe. The worst part of my day so far is just trying to get my toddler to poop on the potty, but in other places people are being bombed, people are dying, and lives are being shattered.
I'd like to say I don't "facebook stalk" people by looking at my friends photos. They are my friends and I'm sure they do the same to me every once in a while. But, I do occasionally like to look at my friends photos and see what is new in their lives and review what's been going on via their photo "diary" that is facebook's numerous display of photos arranged by date. I look back at my photos and I see college friends, trips, family, major events, and even sadness in the fact that there are some people I don't get to see often enough or even at all anymore. I do have to say one thing, in review of my life and all that has gone on and those who have been in it, it is those people who have shaped me into what I am. One person takes funny random photos and I try to remind myself that when I'm out somewhere and the opportunity presents itself, why not take that silly photo. Laugh at yourself, be free of the worry of what others think. I also see the people who gave me life, who shaped me into the human being that I am and whom I love more than life itself. They have given me the chance to make something of myself and guided me along the way to ensure that I will be confident and strong. Then I see those who have been the object of my affection as of late. My husband who has made me a strong, independent woman and given me two beautiful children, and my children who have been the light of my life and the source of my smile since they came into this world. I see the friends of days gone by and wish they were near to have a drink with or share old stories of the "good ol' days."  Never have I felt so rich as when I think of all the people who have blessed me through the years. Even in hard times I had those who lifted me up to support me and make me smile and those whom I have lost have made me realize the true value of friendship. Oddly enough it seems the two most important friends I had in my life have both gone on. While I have tried to reconnect with one, the earlier days of our youth are gone as is the closeness we once shared. And the other is a sad story that for the both of us, it was better to part ways, breaking each others heart. Life is a journey of ups and downs. Sometimes you take two steps forward, sometimes you take two steps back, but if you can enjoy the journey and reflect on how you got where you're going then you have lived and are better for it. I still have much to live and I plan to enjoy it to the fullest. I plan to embrace everyday with renewed interest and see what path will be laid out before me. I only hope that those who have helped shape my life and look back on me and think that I helped shape theirs. I hope that everyone in my past and in my future can enjoy life and look back on theirs and say it was a life worth living.

Updates on the house and on my body

A lot has happened this summer and life as a mother of two is starting to be less stressful as I find my way of doing things. Now, when I don't have help in a little while I'll see how hard it really is. There may be a few rants to come. 

Recently I've been able to fit back into some of my clothes (a feat that is still a long way off for some of my prepregnancy clothes since I was in the best shape I've been right before I got pregnant with number two).  I'm starting to feel like me again and feel like I can have a body I don't mind looking at. Not gonna lie, the big boobs from nursing are a bonus! It's kinda funny how I view myself now. Instead of the nice, unmarked, non-stretched, and not saggy body, I have a new one. Not to say that my body is all of the above, but it's more like a used shirt rather than a brand new one. Not perfect, perhaps a few blemishes, and maybe not as tight as it was when it was first bought...but, I know I can appreciate it and enjoy wearing it. And I know I can get it in tip top shape if I try since I've done it before and I have every intention of doing it again! I have the gear to do it, not I just need the time.

Not only do I have a desire to remodel my body, but I also have a desire to remodel my house.  Well, maybe not a total overhaul, but a small facelift. I have to say after having a house with flat paint and in a color I don't know how to match, I feel it's time to get some new paint on the walls and start to make it all happen asap. I have also been introduced to the world of HGTV (thanks mom). Not that I didn't know of HGTV, but I just got into watching it since I have a house I want to fix a few things in. Most notably, I want to get rid of the military crap that is sitting in foot lockers and hunting gear that doesn't REALLY need to be in the spare master bedroom.  I know I will be living in my current house for a few years and after that I'll live in a new one, but while I'm here I think I'm going to make some changes and enjoy them.

First on my list, patio furniture. I've been living with collapsible camping chairs and folding tables. The time for lost and found furniture is at an end. I plan to make over the space with seating, an umbrella, a nice table, and rug. I'm finally going to get something I want and can enjoy...now if only the dogs will leave it alone!  I hope I don't find my new green cushions strewn about on the green grass one day.  Anyway, I'm looking forward to the changes. I want to make my house a home I can really enjoy and be proud of when people set foot in the door. I think it's hard to really get into decorating when you know you'll only live there for three years, but I think I'm taking the plunge here. Paint, carpet, decor, it's all going to happen and my husband can thank mom for getting me onto HGTV and spending money! :) 

House sitting

This week I've been house sitting for my in-laws. And in doing so I've been there with my daughter and dogs. The two Britts are there at the in-laws because they would undoubtedly give my parents three tiny dogs a heart attack with their abundance of energy and relentless pursuit of playmates. I've enjoyed the solitude of this house since I'm the only adult and my little one takes some good naps, but I have to say I'll appreciate being back in my own home when I get back.  I love visiting with parents and spending time with everyone, but it can be cramped adding four beings to a house that already has two people and three dogs. I have had a lot happen this year so far and I'm looking forward to the end of the year (or rather the beginning of next year) when things will hopefully get back to normal.
I think seeing how we've all changed and adapted to fit this situation makes me appreciate the sacrifice that each of my families has had.  They've both been loving and supportive, but I'm sure they will both be happy to get things back to normal and let the poopy diapers be once again a thing of the past. I have a lot to keep me busy when I get home. Potty training is top of the list, followed by the removal of a binky, and hopefully getting a good nights sleep. Not to mention I will eventually have my baby in the nursery I've worked so hard to create and have yet to use. I think I'm mostly looking forward to having my back yard and deck again. I plan to buy some decent furniture...not of this folding camping chair business anymore. And a rug is a must after a 1 1/2 inch long splinter found it's way into my sons foot one day. I'll also need to invest in some water entertainment device and hopefully I'll get a good sale on something since it's the end of July already.
So far I've had several months "on my own." Though not entirely on my own as my family has helped tremendously, but on my own as far as a husband and father to my children is concerned. After seeing my husband for a brief two weeks, I realized how much a little boy needs his dad. My son is in his terrible twos and likes to throw fits, but has little outlet for rough and tumble play which he so enjoyed during those two weeks. I can only imagine the fun that will ensue when my husband returns. Being a daddy's girl I always loved being near him, but I never appreciated what need little boys have for their father. As I watched my husband play with our son I realized the play that is natural to a little boy is not natural to a mother. I don't get on the floor and rough house with him, I like to play with his toys and cuddle with him (when I'm lucky enough to get to do that). So, after watching the interaction for two weeks I realized how hard it must be for those children who must go without their other parent. I'm sure for them, at some ages they know no different and it matters not, but the inner workings of our mind and how we express ourselves or let out or energy is simply different. "Boys will be boys" is a saying I just came to understand and one in which I'm sure I'll appreciate throughout these years. I love watching my children grow and I love being a part of their lives, but I can see the need for a father and I will patiently wait for that day to come again. Skype, instant messaging, and email will only get you so far. There is no replacement for the real deal.

A lots happened in a month

A lot has happened since my post over a month ago and last nights post was merely a rant about how crappy a night I was having. Tonight I thought I'd get everyone up to speed. In the past month I've had a baby, recovered from it with a few minor complications, but on the whole quite quickly. I've lost a best friend of 9 years, which breaks my heart, but I suppose I had it coming as we couldn't meet each others needs in the relationship. I've seen my husband for the only two weeks in the 11 months he'll be gone, and have experienced what it's like to have a jealous toddler and crying baby all at the same time...which is hard (not to mention three dogs all of which demand my attention).  All and all it's been a rough month.
For starters, my life as a military spouse is typical. I suppose no one ever plans to have their children without their husband or only have them around for 2 weeks in the first 8 months of their child's life, but that happens and it happened to me. It's hard to explain the pain you feel when you have to say goodbye while thinking about how you're going to explain it to your toddler who will surely miss his daddy why he's gone and when he'll be back...or recognize the fact that your baby girl will not know the man that will want to hold her 8 months later and may reject him. Military life is hard, but it's what I have and I guess I just have to deal.
Second, I lost a dear friend. This is one of the hardest things to deal with this month as I wasn't expecting it, but can't really fault him for it. For many reasons we have kept this wonderful friendship going, but as time passes and our futures seem more certain, the threads of our bond seem to weaken and eventually they got to a breaking point and thus we've gone our separate ways. I can't help but wonder what he's doing and how he's doing. All I can say is I hope all is well and I wish him the best in every aspect of his life. While I may not have the chance to speak with him, I have so much I wish I could have said. For saying things in person are so much better, but I suppose I have to let it rest and move on for the sake of all involved.
And yet another issue from the past month, dealing with self image. Last year I felt great. I was training for two half marathons within the same month. I was feeling like I was in the best shape I'd ever been in, and I had a running buddy whom was helping me achieve my goals and became a great friend. This year I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl. While I'm over the moon about her, my body is what feels like beyond repair. I have quite a negative self image and hate to look at my stomach in the mirror. Not only did the added weight of pregnancy make me dislike what I saw, the ability of my stomach to stretch beyond repair has left me feeling unattractive and downright depressed. I know I'm only a month post pregnancy, but I know this time I will not bounce back as well as I did the first time. It's hard to deal with and hard to accept, but I suppose I have to "put my big girl panties on" and deal. I will run again, I will be able to wear nice clothes again and feel good about myself. I just have to keep working on it physically and mentally.
Life is full of complications. Getting married has it's challenges, military life as well. Having children is a blessing, but it tests you in more ways than you can imagine, and friendships can mean the world to you and they can last a lifetime or only a fleeting moment. However, not everything goes according to plan and as they say...if you love them let them go. So here I am letting things go. I'm letting go of a lot of things...perhaps I'm letting go of my freedom for the next twenty years if I decide to live this military life until military retirement comes along for my husband, I'm letting go of a dearly loved friend whom I respect and wish all the best, I'm letting go of my freedom to do what I want when I want as two kids have pretty much insured that I will be spending my days at home or at a park with them and not out running, drinking, dancing, or some other early twenties activity I used to do. And I'm letting go of my younger days...yes I turned 30, but it's not the number that bothers me or makes me feel older; It's the fact that I have had many freedoms in the past and now with my life getting more and more responsibility, I'm letting go of the freedom of my youth and welcoming the ties and joys of life as I know it. I do not wish to change my life as I have two wonderful children that I cannot imagine living without and even though times can be challenging, I will manage to make the most of each day. Life goes on and so will I. This month is just one test of how I will handle life and so far I think I'm passing the test and ready to move on to the next challenge.  Perhaps getting back in shape is the first place I'll start!

Oh what a night

OMG. Let me just say that again...oh my freakin God. What a night this has been. So it's been AGES since I posted something and while sitting in bed last night staring at my baby across the room I realized I haven't posted anything in so long. Well folks, I had a beautiful baby girl, my boy is very jealous, and my dogs are as well. I feel like I have no time for anything I want to do, unless it's drag my children along (with snacks for the toddler in hand in case of a very possible melt down) on a shopping trip. I barely have enough time to get on a social network or check my email while eating breakfast. And the store I wanted to get something online from during their semi annual sale just sold out of the items I wanted because I couldn't get enough time in the past two days to get on their website and search to see what else I might want to buy to get the free shipping when you spend $50. But, tonight I'm staying at my in-laws (they're out of town) to watch my two dogs that are staying with my in-laws because they can't stay with my parents (my dogs are larger and too high energy for my parents three little dogs) since I'm staying with my parents for a few more weeks. Anyway, tonight I got a glimpse of what it will be like when I have two crazy dogs, a toddler, and a baby who all want my attention...NOW.  The dogs would normally be put outside in our fenced back yard to play, but I can't do that here since they don't have a fenced back yard. My toddler is jealous...very jealous of his sister so I have a hard time meeting his demands, but I was desperately trying tonight. That is until his sister started having a crying fit and demanded I feed or hold her. So after my toddler decided he was ready for bed (at that time my baby started wailing) I started to put his pjs on (while listening to his sister go crazy and trying to put on pjs in record time). I got them on and laid him in bed. Ran back in the room, picked up his sister which calmed her down quickly and fed her. Not to mention that earlier I had to clean a poopy diaper of said toddler, then a wet one of his sister all the while the dogs were inspecting what I was doing. One of them accidentally scratched the baby (not badly, but enough to make me mad and startle the baby). And well before that, my morning was crazy and I had my mom helping then. Lately, the biggest battle is getting a clean diaper and shorts on in the morning. Why changing his clothes is such a big deal, I have no idea, but for some reason he wants to fight me every time in the morning, and sometimes diaper changes later on. It's maddening. He's also figured out that mom can't do anything when she's nursing his sister so he does what he wants and makes mom angry. Oh boy, the joys of having a toddler. There is a reason they call it the terrible twos, but there are also many great things about his age two. I just hope he gets over the terrible part of it soon. I'm sick of tantrums over the stupidest little thing. Anyway, it's been one hell of a night. A night I could have used my husband, a night I would have loved to have been in my own home, and a night that I hope doesn't repeat itself tomorrow or the next few nights while I'm watching my dogs and house sitting. Here's to tomorrow and hopefully a good nights sleep. Oh, and did i mention my son likes to get me up between 5:30 and 6:30am everyday. At least my little girl lets me get 4 or 5 hours of sleep in a row. Right, time for bed.

It's been a while

Obviously I've been slacking in the blog department. Lately I've been reading a lot (baby books and my favorite series from Patricia Cornwell) so when I'm not checking my email I'm chatting with the folks or reading so I can get a few books read before my little girl arrives.

Being back with the family has been great and I'm happy to report that things, for the most part have gone smoothly with the transition. My son has had a few days where I feel like I want to pull my hair out as he resists every diapering and clothing change attempt...and for a couple days naps and bedtime. However, yesterday was a great day with a happy boy. I also learned that putting bandaids on booboos can be a bit upsetting once the bandaids are on. Poor little guy got a scratch on top of each foot after playing outside pushing his train and truck on the porch. So, I got some nifty Cars bandaids and ointment to put on them and looking at the bandaid was good, but once that darn thing got stuck on his foot all hell broke loose. I ended up going through 4 bandaids on the first day and giving up since they came off shortly after application. Then I realized the beauty of socks. Throw some bandaids on, put on some socks (which a lot of resistance from said child) and turn on tv for a short time to get him distracted from pulling off socks and thus bandaids. Luckily it worked the last couple days. Here's hoping the little spots on his feet are nearly healed today. It wouldn't be such a big deal if he didn't want to go outside everyday. It's so hard to resist a cute littl guy asking to go "out" when he runs up to you with his tiny little shoes.  On the flip side, a really big deal happened yesterday...and if you don't have kids or haven't attempted to potty train this may seem dull, but to a potty training parent it's a big deal. My little guy peed AND pooped in his potty!  Finally!  I still have quite a few regular diapers to go through as well as pullups, but I'm hesitant to start really hammering the potty routine since I know he's probably going to regress due to the big change of having a baby sister in a matter of a month. Guess we'll see how it goes.

So far the little one in my belly has been doing great and my next appointment is Tuesday so I'm excited to see how I'm progressing. I have to say I'm soooo ready for her to get here, but sooo not ready for the lack of sleep.  Well, my little guy just woke up...time to go!

Getting settled

I've finally gotten my bags unpacked and I'm getting settled. I've got one doctors appointment done and will hopefully have my next OBGYN apt in a week or two. I have a sewing class tonight, which I'm pretty excited about as I have my mother-in-laws fancy sewing machine, which I have little idea how to do most things on it. So, after having it shipped to Hawaii, Missouri, Tennessee, and Ohio I'm finally going to learn to use it and all it's features. I've been sewing simple things with a basic stitch and I sew things by hand, but now I can finally sew things the way they should be and learn to make my own clothes!  This is something I've wanted to do for ages! 
Moving with the complications of military life is always interesting, but this time I had my family to help. The pets did great as did my son, but I have to say traveling at 32 weeks pregnant is not exactly the most fun thing to do! Not only do you have the huge belly, you have the need to find a restroom every hour, and that sweet little being inside you is pushing it's foot out and making you rather uncomfortable, while also punching you in your hip.  All and all we were able to make it with only two stops, so that was good.
Now that we've all settled in, it's time to do some garage sale shopping this weekend, get my hair cut, and perhaps sell some of my garage sale stuff!

Ear infections...seriously?!?!

Well, I'm nearing 30 and haven't had an ear infection since I was probably less than 12 years old. I was prone to swimmers ear at a young age, but only had a few minor irritations through the years until I got to college then I started having issues with my left ear which I think have more to do with a jaw/joint issue than inner ear problem. Anyway, last week I got sick...actually the weekend before that, so I've officially had congestion, a cough, and an ear ache all within the week and a half that's passed. This is also the most notable reason for my lack of posts.

It all started out with a little sore throat, no biggie, then it became a cough, which progressively got worse. After the cough it turned into congestion, then a head cold, and finally after a night of a lot of pain a full blown ear infection for which they gave me 4 kinds of meds at the doctors appointment I promptly made the following morning. I'm not one to take medication unless I have to and I have decided that the acetaminophen isn't essential so I'll save that for a rainy day and the ear drops seem to just make my ear feel more clogged (I still think I have an issue with my ear drum and putting liquids in the ear just seems to make things worse).  So, I have antiboitics and Claritin. I feel ok during the day, but mornings and nights are rough.  I mean, I still feel like crap during the day, but the congestion and pressure in the ear is the worst before and after bed. After a couple days of medicine I'm hoping that I can kick this sickness' butt since my family arrives tomorrow. Thank God my little guy didn't get all the crap that I have. That would have been a week from hell! I do know that I am not up to par and thus have been slacking in the lets play this and that category.  The tv has helped me get through the days as my little one likes to watch a few cartoons

While I'm usually pretty adamant about not plopping him down in front of the tv, this week has left me with little energy and occasionally patience, so Henry Hugglemonster, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and Sid the Science Kid...thank you.

I have managed to find some time to do some cleaning be it night or day I have gotten most of my cleaning done and the dogs have all been bathed; which is a feat in itself considering it usually kills my back to do both Brits, let alone all three dogs.

This week has also brought along some interesting events. It rained like a mother over the weekend and flooded my back yard. Luckily I didn't have any water close to my house since we have a rather long back yard. My son also decided he doesn't like to wear pants and has demonstrated his great capability to undress himself on numerous occasions. I'm  not just talking about taking off his pants though, oh no, he's decided he also needs to run around with no diaper on for at least one time everyday. It might be when he wakes up in the morning, after a nap, or even while I'm cooking, but he has shown that he's fully capable of taking off anything on the bottom half of his body.  Now if only he would sit on the toilet instead of just play with the toilet seat I bought him. We will be trying potty training at grandma and grandpa's, but I think I'm going to have to suck it up and buy a little potty since the toilets at their house are a bit higher and he'd never get up onto them with the stool he has. Anyway, let the potty training begin!  And let the ear ache STOP!  Come on body, you got this...you have the power to kick it's ass!

That's one expensive skillet!

So today I went to a Princess Party. I had not heard of this kind of a party before and thought...is it sex toys, princess stuff for little girls, candles?????  Apparently, after a google search I found out it is or bakeware/cookware. And I did need to get some small containers for storing Hunter's food, but then I thought...after seeing an awesome demo of a nonstick non PFOA skillet that was awesome and actually worked cooking an egg, I thought what the heck, I'm going to get it. My husband might kill me for spending a little over a hundred dollars on an egg skillet, but seeing as I cook eggs for my son and I almost every other day and we have a cheap crappy skillet, I thought it was a good investment.

So, now that I've bought the skillet, I have to wait about a week to get it, but that's ok.

So today was my 30 week appointment and I measured at 32 so I'm wondering if my little girl will come a little early like her brother. I'm hoping that she's not too early, but I am excited at getting just a little closer. And she's dropped so now I feel her moving around lower and not kicking my ribs so much which is nice. Although, the exchange is that she gets to punch my hips so that kinda sucks. Oh well, that's what happens.

I also managed to make whoopie pies today...something I've wanted to do again since I tried the recipe and made them for the first time about a month ago. They were like heaven and I couldn't wait to make them again. Luckily, my friend LOVES them so I made them and gave most of the rest of them to her so I wouldn't have to endure eating 8 of them all by myself (not to mention try to keep my little boys hands off them since he's not allowed to eat much of that stuff).

Well, I suppose seeing as it's 9:30 I should probably hop off here, get ready for bed and read some more as I'm halfway through my book and it's due back at the library a week from today.  Until tomorrow!

2:30am, seriously people!

So last night, or this morning rather, I was woken up to the sound of dogs barking (thankfully not my own) and what I couldn't really tell until I lifted my head up and listened was two people screaming at each other. I looked at the clock...2:30am. Seriously, you're having a fight in the middle of the night outside on the road?  So, of course as any good respectful neighbor would do, I got up to peek out the blinds and see what was going on. I look down the road and I see a light (a phone perhaps) waving all over creation about three houses down across the street. Now, my windows are closed, mind you, and I can hear the conversation to the point it woke me up. I listen and hear "it ain't worth it," "I'll call the cops," and "why don't you go home with him tonight."  I can only assume this domestic dispute must have been over a cheating wife or girlfriend as the husband/boyfriend was pretty pissed, but then again so was she. Now, I'm just laying in bed thinking, "if I can hear this over here with my windows closed, I can only imagine what the neighbors next to those people can hear" and I know they have kids. Sadly, today I happened to notice two kids in the house of angry people, so I'm hoping that they are sound sleepers or that it wasn't their parents as there are three vehicles that reside in the driveway. Anyway, my point is, why yell at the top of your lungs outside your house at 2:30am on a Sunday night when you know everyone is home and they're trying to sleep. Not only that, you know there are kids around. I guess in the heat of the moment you don't care, but I would have at least got in the car or gone to another place.

Normally I wouldn't complain too much about a disturbance revolving around noise, but this past weekend I was subjected to 4 hours of bass and later that night at 10:30pm I got to hear more bass from the same house as a jerk decided to pick someone up and leave the music on and car running for 20 min. It's great to have oh so soothing obnoxious bass when you're trying to fall asleep.  All I can say is I'm so over my noisy neighbors. I had to endure several hours of bass from the same house the weekend before so lets just say I'm glad I'll get a break from it soon.

My next doctors appointment, and last one until I get my new doctor, is tomorrow. I have to say I wish I could keep my current doctor, but alas she is not located close to my family so I will be starting fresh and hopefully with a doctor that is open to natural birth and minimal to no medical interventions. Here's hoping it all goes well! Oh, and on a side note, Chipotle has come to town and is opening soon!  I'm so excited! Not that I'll really get to go there opening day or anytime soon thereafter since it's not super close to my house and my son isn't a big fan, but the fact that it's available is awesome! Well, here's hoping all goes well at my appointment tomorrow and that my week is a great one!

Frosting??

Ok, so I have a confession to make. For the past 30 minutes I've been sitting at my computer looking up nothing important while eating about 5 apricots and about 1/8 cup of frosting...maybe a 1/4 cup!  I can't seem to stop my sweet tooth and I bought a can of frosting for a recipe I wanted to make a few weeks ago (it was a HUGE hit by the way) and frosting was part of a filling I needed. I didn't use the whole can and instead of wasting it I thought, what can I eat it with because I'm out of chocolate! I managed to find some dried apricots and low and behold I had a horribly sweet and oh so tasty snack. I even thought about making pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream for dinner!  I feel like I need a chaperone in my house to make sure that I don't eat or bake sugary things every second. I bet this girl's gonna love sweets when she gets older. She'll have a long way to go before her lips ever taste a swiss cake roll or candy, but man is she making me crave them. Of course, last time it was cottage cheese, this pregnancy it's chocolate and sweets. Great...add those pounds to my butt. Luckily, my butt has not reached max capacity for my jeans, but still. I'm going to have to post photos of really buff people all over my cabinet doors to keep the guilt up so I don't overload on sugar. Hmm.

Anyway, I've been reading about having a natural birth and after having read loads of books with my first pregnancy, I've decided to focus on natural birth, rather than birth in general, for my second pregnancy. Lets just hope that this birth goes as well as the first did! I should probably be reading that now instead of sitting on the computer, but I'll read it after I finish this post I guess. Back to the topic. So, I've been enlightened about the world of natural birth and how medicine and doctors took over the birthing scene in the 1900's and eventually a revival of natural birth and education about birth came about in the 1960's. I was inspired to have a natural birth after knowing that my mom had natural births with me and my sister and how so many people thought it was impressive (and crazy) that a woman would willing put herself through that pain. Honestly, I find the pain of birth and giving birth naturally a write of passage into the parenting world and far worth it than getting an epidural. No needles in my spine please and I'd like to feel my body. Not only that, but a woman's body was made for this.  It's what we're supposed to do...have kids. Since we've been on this planet we've been able to do it naturally. Why mess with mother nature?  So, my quest to find a doctor was supposedly over since I found a practice that had midwives and it was covered on my insurance...until I found out the midwives relocated to their own practice which is no covered by my insurance. :(  Needless to say, I was feeling a little worried considering that in two weeks I will need to find a new doctor and see them in 3weeks!  After some digging and asking around I may have found three doctors I'm willing to work with and that will deliver at the hospital I want to have the baby at. I guess when you're in the military you just get used to "here's your provider" and go with whoever you get..unless you really dislike them and decide to switch. But in the "civilian" world you get to choose who you want and be a bit more selective. Sadly, I really like the midwife I have now, but since I'll be relocating to have the baby I'll need a new doctor/midwife. Here's hoping I can find someone! Monday will be the day of phone calls and questions! I also have to find a pediatrician...that is one thing I'm happy about as my last option with the military wasn't the greatest for my son.

Anyway, all that aside, things are moving fast...I'll be moving, the due date is approaching, my husband is gone, but will be back for R&R in a couple months and I'll be with my family and will have a lot more support very shortly, and I have so much to do before I relocate. Not only do I need to clean house, I need to pack up a TON of stuff for a garage sale and rent a trailer to put it all in, do a few crafty things for the nursery, and find a doctor. I have to say I welcome this craziness because with it comes distraction and I'm so distracted with everything else I have little time to think about the loneliness. Here's hoping that it stays at bay for many months to come. Hmmm, no more frosting...what else do I have that's sweet??? Just kidding!  : )

I think I'm addicted to chocolate

So, it's getting closer and closer to the time when I'll be getting picked up and moved for a while so I can have this baby in the presence of family and (hopefully) my husband if he gets back in time!  It's getting so real now as I go from day to day realizing the changes and stress pregnancy has on your body.

I have an insatiable appetite for chocolate and cereal...neither of which fill me up or help my weight!
I have a (what I feel like is a) HUGE belly and I can see the stretch marks I had from my first pregnancy and I'm just hoping I don't end up with a bunch more. I'd like to still be able to wear a bikini after this!  So far I'm confident that if they stay as they are I should be good...but who knows. Sometimes I feel as if there's no where she could possibly go if she gets any bigger, which she obviously will. It really is amazing the changes a woman's body goes through to have a baby. Not only do I feel stretched to max capacity, rolling over in bed is a joy since it's as if I can't breathe when I go from one side to the other...not to mention I have to shift the pillow that supports my leg and keeps my hips from killing me. Then there's the moment when you step on the scale and think...do I really weigh that much??  Luckily, I think I'm doing better this time than with my first pregnancy. And there's the fun hiccups she has that I get to experience multiple times a day (which is fun at first, but then gets a big annoying when it's often during the time you're trying to fall asleep). My son had them too and just like him, she's making sure I know she's there just before I drift off to sleep.

However, throughout it all, many women decide to go through this process more than once in their lifetime. There are a lot of things to complain about (and I don't even have swollen ankles or hands or many of the other unpleasant pregnancy "symptoms"), but all and all it's an amazing experience. The pain of birth aside, I wish everyone could go though this and know what it's like to carry your child and feel the bond that you do with your child when it's born. Having children is something I didn't know if I wanted to do until just 3 years ago. I was happy with my freedom, my job, my sleep, my life, but something told me it was time to consider it and after talking it over with my husband we both decided it was time to move on from dogs to babies. While I do miss my previous life, I'd never go back knowing what amazing gift being a parent can be. I enjoy every day with my son and despite his father being away for awhile, he keeps me happy and helps with the loneliness of the deployment. I have found it harder to keep up while being pregnant chasing a toddler. I know that chasing a toddler around instead of the desk job I had when I was pregnant with said toddler is a lot more challenging, but some days I have to remind myself I can do this and keep chugging along.

Deployments are no fun and I think sometimes they give you a chance to reflect on your life and your marriage. Some people are torn apart, some are brought together. During my first deployment it was rough and I hated the first few months. Loneliness was everyday and phone calls were only once a week if that (while my friends all had skype to talk to their hubbies). This time things are different. I'm sure the loneliness will hit me worst when I'm back home on my own with two children and no help, but I suppose I will have to look at this as a challenge. I have been strong on many fronts before and this is just a test of my strength. Although, to be honest, the real test of strength will be the day this baby arrives and the strength both emotionally, physically, and mentally I'll need should my husband not be there for the big moment. And while I will become a mother yet again, I have to say there is no greater time when you want your mother and thankfully this time I will have her there to support me regardless of my husbands presence. I think strength is the one thing that sets the success from the failure. I aim to be strong and make the most out of what may be a hard situation.

Drinks at night on the beach...oh how I miss you.

Today was yet another productive day!  I managed to get to the toy store...after I went there an hour earlier only to find out they didn't open until 10...and the craft store. I got all the things I needed to finish the crafty projects I have planned and even started and finished a couple things. I got the frames I've been working on hung (3 of them) and can now finish the other two crafty projects I have. I bought another train set for my son so he has more to play with and can take some to grandma and grandpas.  I had to stand and wait with a not so happy baby boy for what must have been a solid half and hour for the sale associate to ring it up since the coupon I had printed from an email they sent me didn't register and they had to create a new code. Two squeezy fruit pouches and a binky later we were at our wits end, but luckily he maintained composure enough to only slightly annoy a few people I'm sure. I thought I was going to have an all out tantrum, but luckily it was only some crying and fussiness due to being ready for a nap.

After getting back home, starting on one of the other crafty projects and wasting some time on the computer I get my little guy back up, played a bit, and eventually got to go outside and enjoy the AMAZING weather we had. A storm is brewing this evening and should probably wake me up in the middle of the night, but so far this evening has been nothing but warm air perfect for shorts and a t-shirt. I even had to turn on the ac. I love warm weather.  I suppose I probably better shove my dogs outside before the bad weather gets here to avoid any pinching of the cheeks and possible accidents in the middle of the night.

Right, so dogs have been outside and if you would have added the sound of waves and the salty smell in the air, I could have been in Hawaii. Perfect ocean breeze and warm temperature that was just like when I used to sit on the beach and enjoy a nice drink...or several. Oh how I miss those days!

Well, I suppose I better hop off here, do some more crafty stuff and head to bed. It's been a great day.

For the love of pants

So much has been going on lately and just when I think I'm going to go to bed early or maybe take a nap, I end up on the computer or doing something distracting that keeps me up. I may regret that in a few months time when I'm up every two hours in the middle of the night or when I can't get either child to take a nap at the same time. Oh well.

This week I've managed to get out with my little boy and enjoy the warm weather, go to the library, cook some great new recipes, and do some shopping. And it's only Tuesday night! I've gotten a lot of things situated with bills and medical stuff while I'm moving back and forth so that is good.

I stumbled upon an AMAZING whoopie pie recipe (thank you Parents magazine), a delightful chicken parmesan recipe (compliments of Progresso), and a wonderful breaded chicken recipe (by way of Kraft's new seasoning and shredded cheese mixes).  Not only have I made these, I've also tried a few other recipes that I know I like and have never made myself and one that I just threw together in hopes of finding a healthy alternative to the traditional very bad for you version. All and all, my cooking has been a big success, but my son is getting picky so he's liked about 3/4ths of them, but not all.

I've now made it into the third trimester and boy do I feel HUGE! I'm not sure if I'm really that huge, but I feel like I am. I have a serious problem with lacking will power when it comes to chocolate, so that doesn't help my after diner snack.  And here lately, I just can't help but want to eat something sweet all the time. Luckily, my brain isn't totally absent and tends to remind me (after I've eaten what I probably shouldn't have and guilt has set in) that I should lay off the snacks and sweets or I'll be 180lbs by the time I'm done!  No, I won't let that happen!

So, with the weather getting warmer I'm starting to enjoy the outdoors and am dying to get back to running. I see these women running and I can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy as I want to have a nice stomach and much smaller butt again!  I will get into my old clothes eventually, but it sucks that it will probably be fall by the time that happens. I do have plans to run a half marathon next year so I know I'll be starting my running routine again, but I don't know exactly how that will go given that I will have two kids and no daddy to watch them and my babysitter might be getting a job. Guess I'll be trying to figure that out when I get the go ahead to go running again. And to think I was finally comfortable in those tight running pants...now I have to start from scratch again. Oh well, I kept my older running clothes just in case I ended up in my current situation again. But to be honest, there are some women I've seen wearing some tight stretchy pants (not running or working out, mind you, but as a fashion statement) that really ought to have known better. One woman really blew my mind when I got out of the car to go to Walmart and saw the most amazing and disturbing backside sashaying away from me. Not only was it not meant to wear those painted on crazy (animal print/80's style??) pants, but they had squeezed into these pants to the point that I felt bad for the pants having to stretch so much you could see the white tag through the stretched fabric.  I did get a good chuckle at it though as my husband was utterly beside himself at the boldness that woman possessed when she decided that it was a good look. Of course, you could go to Walmart in your worst, holy, stained pjs, and some people wouldn't think twice. I prefer to make myself presentable no matter if it's Walmart or not, although, I have considered how nice it would be to just flop out of bed, put my son in the carseat, and shlep ourselves over to Walmart to buy the milk I should have gotten the day before since I knew I would need some in the morning.

Well, as expected I've just given another half hour over to my computer when I should have been sleeping peacefully like the three dogs I have all around me. Guess it's time to sign off and hit the hay.

Girl Scout cookies are the devil....because you can eat the whole box in a day then you have guilt...lots of guilt!

It takes some getting used to...having a deployed spouse. There's the obvious depressing thought that they're so far away and will be for a long time, but one thing that seems to be hard to do is start a routine and eat healthier.

Yesterday I polished off the last of the Somoas and half the thin mints I got on Monday! I seem to be suffering from lazy mom syndrome. I don't feel like thawing meet, after finding some recipe in a wild game cookbook, and making a fancy lunch or dinner. Lunch yesterday was a turkey sandwich and some steamed veggies with the girl scout cookies. My son had fruit instead of cookies and seasoned chicken breast instead of the sandwich (he still hasn't grasped the concept of a sandwich is supposed to have two pieces of bread with something in the middle...it always gets taken apart). Dinner was an easy frozen garlic chicken and veggies with pasta bag that I cooked in a skillet and dumped into a bowl. While it is quite tasty and I do have left overs I feel bad not taking the time and effort to cook a meal from scratch. Perhaps the need to go to the grocery store and actually buy the ingredients I need to make nice meals is deterring me since it's a wet mess outside.

While days like this make me want to stay in and not do a darn thing, I know i need to get out and buy the lizard and salamander their food as well since I'm out. To be honest, I'd rather curl up in a chair (with an abundance of pillows to support that ever growing belly) and some hot chocolate and read a book or watch mind numbing tv. I've got a case of being lazy and i need to shake it! I did get some cleaning done yesterday and today so that was at least something productive. I also managed to finish some frames I'm putting in the babies room...also productive, but the food...I just don't feel like cooking. I think maybe it's the constant dishes to clean. I HATE cleaning dishes, but I also HATE having a pile of them in the sink. Thank God for my dish washer; which helps but can't do all my dishes. I think what I need is just to get a weeks worth of meals planned out and stick to it. Dishes or not, I need to get my butt in gear and make some healthy meals and not rely on quick simple meals for me. At least my son always eats healthy..I take the time to make his lunches and we eat the same dinners usually.  Right, I think I'll be finishing the rest of the thin mints, then try to start over with good wholesome foods and really try to be healthier. I've had a few days of eating a lot of crap...time to get in gear!  The more crap I eat now, the fatter I become and lord knows I don't want to get too big since I have to work it all off after the baby gets here!  Right...time to go find some healthy meals for the week!

It starts

Today is day two of the deployment...well technically it's about day 1 1/2, but we'll just go with 2. It started with a good cry on the way home from post. I turned up the music and took off the mirror I attach to see my son so it wasn't so obvious to my little one that mommy was upset. As I drove home I realized he won't see his daddy for a long time and he was just starting to really connect with him.

My husband and son haven't had a close bond like I do with our son, but that is mostly because I'm the main caregiver and he's usually at work and doesn't have much time to spend with him when he gets home. So, it breaks my heart to see them having such a great time and enjoying each others company so much only to have to be ripped apart. I could tell my our son was really enjoying having his daddy to play with and I was really enjoying the help and watching the bond form between them. Sadly, this is what can happen when a parent gets deployed. I only hope that he is excited to see his daddy when he comes home (hopefully in time ) for the birth of our second child.

Someone else missing their daddy is a beloved hunting dog who has been rather friendly and close to me since her daddy left. I don't know how I'm going to handle having all the craziness of three dogs and a toddler, but luckily the toddler and our sweet, but crazy hunting dog are fast becoming playmates.

As for me, well as I said I've had a good cry, felt pretty sad, bored, and lonely, and have managed to eat a ton of sweets in the past few days. However, I have to get myself into a routine and get focused on all of the many projects I have lined up.  I have to train our newest canine addition (she's a nightmare on a leash and has no patience just a ton of energy), make some things to put in the nursery (getting my crafty side ready to go again), learn to actually sew clothing not just pillows and simple things, and many more ideas. I'm not sure how many I'll get sorted before I have the baby because I'm sure once I have a toddler and a newborn my "me" time will be zilch, but I look forward to the challenge anyway.  Currently I'm just trying to figure out how my baby belly could possibly get any bigger to accommodate this little one and thinking about how I can't wait to get back to running and being able to do the simple things like lay on my stomach, back, or any variation of sleeping position that doesn't require extra pillows. While I love having a tiny baby to hold, I hate having my body stressed (one flight of stairs feels like 4 these days) and stretched beyond comprehension. I look forward to the day when I'll be thin again, able to run my 8.5 min mile, lift something more than 30lbs without feeling the muscles in my side ache, and be able to sleep a whole night without having to get up to pee! All that aside, I have been blessed with a child and soon to be another one. I have never had problems conceiving and for that I am thankful as I know some who have not been so lucky.  The journey continues and each day I'm sure I'll have new challenges. I guess I just have to get my butt off the internet (this blog is not helping!) and get started on my projects, get a routine figured out, and make sure to stay connected (both myself and our son) to someone who is halfway across the globe. Deployments suck and I'll be glad when this is over, but I am proud and I know that this is one price (a very big one) I have to pay to be able to have the life I have today.  Tomorrow is another day and I guess a good way to look at it is that it's one less day to be alone.

Packing

This is the last week before he goes overseas and I have one more day left with him. Tonight is packing night. Earlier this week I felt a sadness looming over the house as he finally got confirmation of his fight time. It was finally real, it is going to happen, he is deploying.

I suppose I have been yanked off that puffy cloud of delusion and am now firmly planted back on the ground in reality. It's hard to think that I'll soon be dealing with all the things around the house and anything and everything related to our family.  It's hard to imagine I'll have to hold down the fort for so long, but I've done it before and I can do it again, just this time things are a bit different having a family and all. At least this time I'll be able to spend some of it with family instead of being far away on an island.

I have a lot I want to accomplish during this time and I hope that I actually stick to my goals for each month. April is train the dog and make some decor for the baby's room. I have no idea how this deployment will go as last time I was quite occupied with work and running, but this time I don't have those things. I hope it goes as fast as it seemed to last time. All I know is this time next year I plan on having had my baby, slimmed back down, learned and practiced how to sew clothing, learn to play guitar (more than last time), and should be training to run another half marathon.

So here's to staying safe, reaching goals, and finding my inner strength. 

Not much to say except I'm eating too much chocolate!

My trip to see family is nearly complete and I'm ready to go back I suppose. Things went well this time, much better than the last time we visited for a week (over Christmas). This time we were able to use an air mattress for our little one and that has made all the difference in his sleeping. Thank God. Christmas was a bit of a nightmare and the other time we visited since then was only a few nights and his birthday so he was happy then too, but his stay in the pack-n-play was still not well received. Now it looks like we're done with pack-n-plays and onto the big boy bed for good. Yay!

Still no word on deployment dates...hopefully we'll find out something soon.

This trip I have managed to gorge myself on chocolate. Between a plate of sugar cookies I bought, no bake cookies mom made, chocolate covered cream filled doughnuts, chocolate milke, and chocolate chips in my trail mix, I've eaten enough chocolate to last me for the next month!  Still, I can't help by enjoy every bite. I think I've nearly chocolated myself out though since I'm kinda thinking about needing more savory foods now.

I also managed to arrange some family/maternity photos while here and they turned out great. I am looking forward to seeing the finished product and print some. I've never been one to really enjoy looking at my huge belly, but the shots turned out pretty good.

As I said before I'm sure my blog will heat up a bit as I find myself once again at home with a deployed husband, so for now I'm sure they're rather bland, but we'll see how things go in the next couple weeks.

It's been a LONG time!

Well, obviously I haven't posted anything in AGES and am clearly slacking as I'm sure my oodles of readers can attest. Things have been busy and quite honestly I haven't had much time to post anything. However, I have made some progress today as I am currently typing away until my little boy wakes from his nap.

Recently, I have managed to get the painting done in the nursery and I just need to find some things to add some decorating touches. I have located a pretty mobile that I intend to buy (customized of course so that it will match my perfectly planned out color scheme) despite it being rather pricy, but it will hang from the ceiling and look fabulous I'm sure. My sons bedroom is now complete with a bed and train table which I moved (while managing to seriously smash one of my fingernails in the process) into his room last week. Now I can finally move the crib out and focus on just having the bed in there. Thank God I can get the crib out before hubby deploys so I don't have to do it all by myself...despite the fact that I was the one to put it together in the first place so I am capable.

Preparations are underway for the impending deployment and I am getting things situated to make the most of the last bit of time before he leaves and before I have to do everything on my own. Still not 100% sure of the date, but we know it will be one of two dates. Regardless it will be in a few weeks at the latest so we're preparing.  When the day finally comes you can be certain that I will be blogging everyday!

Well, my little guy is up and jiggling the door handle, a sure sign he's ready to get out of the bedroom. Luckily he hasn't figured out how to open it yet!  Until next time!

Puffy clouds of delusion

This weekend was good. A birthday party, warm weather and time to play outside, and cleaned up some things I've been meaning to clean for ages. The deck is now up and operational again after the small fire that burned a hole in it and the siding has been replaced. So, all and all it's been a good past few days.

Today I got started by taking the dog to the vet and luckily my son was fine with the visit as well as our trip to the commissary (all except the last 5 minutes).  Sadly though, he fell asleep in the car (adorable) and then decided a 15-20 min nap was all he needed and has recently become angry at the world. So, time for another nap...and since the sun has been covered by the clouds, thus providing great lighting (or lack thereof) in his room, I'm hoping he decides to take a power nap to recharge and turn back into that cute, sweet little boy I know.

This week I have a list started of tasks to do before the deployment (which we still don't have a date for). It ranges from the everyday things like cleaning the house to other things like insurance stuff. My latest preoccupation is of painting my soon to be daughters room. Oddly enough I've decided on blue paint (for the bottom half, white for the top) and I rather like the way it's turning out so far. Granted I've only painted blotches on the wall of the blue, but I have the white coat on and one more to go before I'm satisfied so I can get an idea of what it will look like. I'm dreading painting the woodwork though. What a pain in the butt. But at least I'll have it done soon and will be able to decorate and go mad with purchasing things I may or may not need for the room. This is what happens when you never got a chance to do the nursery for the first child...now that I own my home I can paint it whatever color I want and do whatever I want to it...and I am.

I am still pretty laid back about the impending deployment. Mostly due to the fact that I don't have a date that I have the dreaded countdown started for. So until I get that date I can float around on my puffy cloud of delusion and think all is well in the world. I do know that "shits gonna get real" here soon and I'll be off my cloud and into a puddle of mud in no time, but knowing that I'll soon be living with family and spending my days with yet another tiny bundle of joy does lighten the mood. I know it's going to be chaos when I get back to life in my house, but until then I can enjoy the help of family and the joy of my newborn (lets not forget the joys of no sleep...maybe I can coordinate my dogs wanting out at 2am with a nighttime feeding???).  Anyway, life is good now and until I get that dreaded date and have to actually hop off my puffy cloud I'll be happy to live in a delusional world of bliss. Now if only that world included self cleaning houses and husbands who could keep the kitchen and bathroom sinks clean. Until tomorrow world!

A good weekend...short and sweet

This weekend was presidents day and we packed up the car and headed home to see our families and celebrate our sons birthday. While spending our time at home I managed to eat Chipotle...one of my favorite places to eat, go shopping for our soon to be daughter, and have a great time at the birthday party.

Still no news on the deployment dates and to be honest I'm not sure if I'd rather know or not know. Knowing gives me the chance to start planning for the move, figure out what I need to get done, and prepare emotionally for his absence, but not knowing means it's still a little ways away and I don't have to pin a date on the first day I'll be alone again.

Today I did manage to get a hose for our washing mashing which decided to pour water all over the corner kitchen floor and seep into our basement. Luckily we noticed the dripping in the basement and managed to locate it's source and stop the leak right before leaving on Friday. I also managed to woof down the last of the cake from the party. Man, if I'm a sucker for something, it's cake! What is it about the delectable moist cake and icing combo that makes me drool like a St. Bernard staring at a pole of dog food. Ok, maybe not that bad, but still I may have a cake addition.  

Now my next big task is picking paint colors for our daughters room. Still haven't found the perfect color yet, but I think I'm getting close. Oddly enough I'm going with a blue room...not your traditional girls room, but it will have white and butterflies with a splash of color here and there and I can't wait to get it all set up. One thing I've always enjoyed is decorating. I tend to have a lot of ideas, but unfortunately I don't always have the motivation to get it all done in a timely manner. And speaking of timely manners or using my time wisely, I need to get off here and get some things done! 

Seems like I'm always doing something even when I want to do nothing!

Decisions decisions

This past week has had a lot of ups and downs and I am finally getting to the point where I need to start preparing for the next few months. This deployment will be a whole new ballgame and I have a lot to do before he leaves. Most importantly I have decided to move home for a few months into the summer. It took awhile and a lot of talking to everyone to figure out what was best and in the end, moving home seemed to be the most logical option. Luckily I have amazing parents who wouldn't mind having their 30 year old daughter, her toddler, newborn, and dog stay with them.

Now not only do I have to figure out what to do for a new doctor and hospital or the birth, I have to figure out who is going to mow the lawn this summer, what to move back with me and what to leave, when to paint the baby's room, where to contact my husband, who his boss is and his contact info, the FRG leaders info, and may more things that go along with a deployment. I've never moved for a deployment, but seeing as I'll be giving birth during it, I figure it's best to be with family (and someone who can drive me and help me at the hospital in case my husband isn't there). 

It's a crazy world us military spouses live in. Today, my husband came home for lunch with boxes of new military garb that he will need in Afghanistan. Just more stuff to add to the never ending pile (or foot lockers and boxes) of military stuff. Luckily we have a basement and I fully intend to use it! It does make it all the more real to see him putting his newly issued things together and getting them ready for the deployment. I had a year long deployment by myself thousands of miles away from family once before and never had to move, but this deployment is much more of a challenge for not only myself, but my children (and that includes the dogs). I will learn the true meaning of independence as the year goes on. I have delt with deployment before and it sucked, but it was no where near as bad as I thought it would be, but I had no children, one dog, and a job. Not to mention I decided it would be a great time to take guitar lessons (something I plan to do this deployment as well) and started running.

This year will be a challenge, but I'm diving in head first and we'll see how well it goes.

Oh what a night...

Yesterday I waited patiently, but not holding my breath for my dress to come. It didn't. I called the post office only to find out it would arrive on Saturday, the day AFTER the ball and I'm sure it will be here shortly as the mail usually comes in 1/2 hour.  The stress began when I knew it wasn't coming, but my hubby tried to help by asking if any spouses might have a dress I could borrow. Low and behold one person did...so then the race was on to figure out how to get said dress and get my hair and makeup done in time to get back by 5:30 and leave for the ball. I picked up the dress and saw that it was rather informal and thought it would go with none of my jewelery, but what the hell I have tickets to this ball and a hair apt in 5 min, I'm going now fancy dress or no. So I took the dress and went to get my hair done. Luckily, I had just enough time before all this to drop off my son, who didn't seem the slightest bit interested in lunch and made me get off to a late start to the sitters.

Since my dress didn't come in I had pretty much sat on my butt all morning and not thought to paint my toenails (a must for someone who would have worn open toed shoes to a ball) nor did I paint my fingernails. Now, you may not think this is a big deal, but I had month old toenail polish on and peeling clear polish on my fingers. Not quite what I was hoping to sport at a ball. So, after getting the dress and showing it to my friend I was meeting to have our hair done together, she decided that it was time to offer me a black dress that was shorter (below the knee) than the typical ball gown, but would be more fancy, so I followed her after we had out hair done and grabbed the dress (along with another she thought might work). Thankfully it worked and I got to sport my baby bump accommodating dress, some nice high heels, and the pretty jewelry I had as well as a nice hair do and I did my own makeup. All and all the night worked out nicely, but the day was a mess! 

Upon arriving at the ball I managed to find 4 people wearing the dress I ordered! One was the exact dress, same color, another was teal, one was plum, and the other was black, but with a slightly different fabric to the dress, but the lace was the same and the cut.  So in the end I guess maybe it's a good thing I didn't become the 5th member of the wear the same dress party, but I have to say it was a nice dress and oddly none of the women seemed to be pregnant. Perhaps they were all post baby bump??  Anyway, I managed to have a good night and eat lots of food while thinking in my head that that woman who didn't deliver my dress sucks because it would have looked great on me. I was happy that I got to wear the dress I did though because it was comfortable (and pretty) and that is a big deal when you're pregnant and need some room to breathe when you sit!

They even had a bald eagle (a live one with handler and all) posing for photos with you. Sadly we missed out on this photo op, but it was pretty nifty. It made a few calls while posing, but other than that it was pretty statuesque. Personally I would have been more impressed with a golden eagle as those are my favorite raptor, but the bald eagle is the symbol of the division, so it's kinda a key figure and an appropriate bird to have for photo ops if you're going for that sort of thing. On a side note, our son had a great time at the sitters and didn't have any problem getting woken up, transported home, and put back to bed at 11pm.

Much to my delight, my hair is still nice and curly after sleeping on it and that is a massive feat as my hair is long and never holds curl for too long. Must be some good product she used! I do believe I will enjoy my curly hair for one more day and then wash it tonight when I'm sure most of the curl will have left.

Other than enjoying my evening, this weekend is shaping up to be a good one. Today we find out if we're having a boy or girl, then I get to stuff my face with chocolate at a chocolate fair. Can't wait!  Who doesn't love chocolate? I mean really...   Tomorrow will be a fix the deck that my husband burnt a hole in and hopefully figure out where to get the siding we need, then buy mattresses for our son who will be graduating to the "big boy bed."  Not to mention talking with mom and dad to tell them the baby news and determine just where I will be living come late spring through the summer (a decision that will have to be made soon and with the help of my family and my husbands). All and all this is shaping up to be a good weekend. Looking forward to all the good things to come today!

A new day a new disappointment

Last night I get the news I was waiting to dreading hearing. As he started telling me how his day went by talking about how all the guys in the battalion (he talked to a lot of people apparently) agreed 100% with him and not the guy who's totally screwing him for not taking the position he was offered (which isn't unheard of) and is now being a vindictive ass and essentially tossing him out of the battalion, I knew it wasn't going to be good. He knew what I wanted to know and I figured since he was taking his sweet time to get to what I wanted and needed to know, it wasn't going to be good. And it wasn't.

Those 12 month deployments have not gone by the wayside as I found out that his new job will involve what would be a 12 month deployment, but he's leaving a little later since he just got there so he will be gone for 10-11 months. I also learned that not only is he deploying, he's deploying in March....yes, March. So after a month of him being gone at training where he was observing others who are getting ready to go overseas, he is now back for a short while only to deploy and be gone again. All the while leaving his young child and pregnant wife behind. Now, I know he didn't want to have this happen. No one asks for a long deployment unless they're desperate for more money and want to get away from their spouse.

However, I now find myself in a bit of a pickle...ok, more like a massive pile of shit. I am stuck with the decision of where to have the baby, back home with family, or here where we're stationed and I have two friends, one of which will be leaving in a month for training in the air force and the other in an intense nursing program. So, my interaction with other adults will be limited to say the least. However, staying here gives me my space, enough bedrooms, a doctor and hospital I know, and I don't have to worry about what to do with the animals. Going home presents the problem with the dogs and living space.  With a toddler and a newborn things will be rather cramped and I'll only go home for a few months at most.   I guess it's time to start a list of pros and cons. Either way I feel like I'm up shit creek without a paddle.

Being in the military and being a spouse of a soldier comes with many issues and this is one you hope you never have to face. The only ray of light is that 12 month deployments include a two week r&r whereas 9 months do not. So, there is a possibility that he may be here when the baby is born, but there's no guarantee that I'm going to have the baby in that two week window considering our first born was a week and a half early and who knows what will happen this time. So my positive cloud floating attitude has fallen flat and is now down pouring with unhappy emotions, but this is the way it is and I guess I just have to deal. So, in order to deal, I will be going to a store to buy some things for my sons new bedroom and then to the grocery store to buy the doughnut I've been craving for weeks.

On another note...my dress is STILL not here. Grrr. But at least I know (after much hounding of the company) that it will arrive tomorrow.

Things getting back to normal, before being not normal again

Hubs finally got in at 1:30am, Monday morning and the dogs decided it was time for me to get up as they barked when they heard him. I did manage to get to the dress rental shop yesterday only to find zip in the maternity size and to be honest, not much in regular sizes either.  The selection was mainly a bunch of large sized mom-style dresses, smaller ones that looked like they could have been from the 90's, and the nice ones were mostly rather worn because they were the nice ones that everyone rented. There wasn't really anything for me to try on, so I became the one who dishes out her opinion on the dresses my friends tried on. I did enjoy just spending time with my friends though. My friend Sonia did find quite a nice dress so her total cost for this event will be much less than mine (given my dress gets here!!).  It's Tuesday and still no dress. I'm a bit insistent on getting more info from the company, but they've not been must help as of late. It does say my order is being shipped, so lets hope that it at least gets here by Thursday so I can attempt to avoid the nicely wrinkled too long or short look. I hate ordering dresses online.

Anyway, no news yet on the deployment, but from a conversation I had last night it does seem entirely possible that he may be here for a month and leave again. NOT happy. So, hopefully he gets home today with some less than excruciating news about how they won't send him in March.  Until 5:30 I must wait. One good thing about the day is I now have my two necklaces that I can choose from to go with my currently nonexistent dress and I'll be meeting up with my friends yet again for dinner. I suppose I better get all the me time in a can in the next month if I end up being here without hubby next month! And if I do find out March is the month for his departure, I may have to console myself with a nice long john doughnut.Guess there's not much I can do at this point other than attempt to enjoy the day while waiting for more info...and a tasty dinner. Think I might make a pesto chicken sandwich while I wait (which I made the other day and it was to die for!) and perhaps vegetate on the sofa until the little one wakes. Here's to another day of positive attitude and not knowing anything else. Clarification is on the horizon...good or bad.

Today was a boring day.

Despite the fact that the almighty Super Bowl was on (which I didn't watch any of except a few min of halftime before I decided it sucked) my day was pretty uneventful.

While I had expected to see my hubby today, he did not come home and is not due to until close to 2am. I spent the day trying to figure out what to do with myself as I had cleaned all but the tub in the lower master suite since I figured I had some paw washing I would be doing and would thus make it a muddy mess again. Much to my surprise I didn't have to wash any paws today!!!

I did get a phone call though, and managed to find a little more info about my future...but nothing concrete and not dates of anything. Not sure I'm going to like it when I do get all the info, but for now, I'll wait until Tuesday to find out anything since that's when we should know. 

I do know that tomorrow I have a chance to get some things done and believe me, I plan on getting somethings done...go to the mall to have my makeup tested for Friday or maybe go to a dress rental place to see if I can find a backup dress in case my dress doesn't come in. Maybe I'll just go to the store and buy some birthday presents for my little guy and pick up that chocolate covered, cream filled donuts I've been craving for weeks. There does happen to be a Dunkin Donuts right across from Walmart....if I can't find one at Walmart I can find one there! Maybe I can even buy a bed for my little guy and get him started on the path to the "big boy" bed and eventually potty training!  Oh what a joy it would be to have him potty trained before the next baby gets here!  We'll see. For now I'll just be happy to get him into a regular bed.

Anyway, tomorrow is another day and I like this positive attitude I've had and hope that I can keep it going!  We'll see how it goes when Tuesday gets here.

Oh the suspense!

The anticipation of everything, good or bad is killing me!

I thought my dress for the ball would be here today, it's not. I thought my necklaces I ordered to see what matches the earrings I love and am wearing with the dress would be here, they're not. I ordered some books...they're not here. The ball is Friday and I still have to figure out where to get my makeup done and I haven't. I am getting my hair done in a style I have wanted to try for awhile...but I have almost a week to wait.

I have a week to wait until I find out if I'm having a boy or girl. I have one day until my husband comes home and I can hopefully get more info on whats going on. He still has yet to tell me when he's getting home on Sunday. I have a month or more before I may be alone for 9, but I don't know if that's going to happen.

All and all I just want answers. I'm not stressed about it or upset, just eager to know and get my things!  I did try contacting the store about the dress and I have checked the shipping, so at least I know when my jewelry and a couple books will be here, but the dress and one book is still a mystery.

I am also hoping to get to a place that rents dresses...as a backup...but have to wait until Monday at lest. Oh the suspense of it all.

There's also the upcoming trip to visit family and celebrate my little ones birthday. Which means I have to find some Thomas the train supplies...haven't found a store that has them, so I may be shopping online for this one. I still have to get presents, but I think I have them mostly picked out though. And I have to find a gift for my nephew by the same time since I'll see him back home as well. So much to do, so little time...well, at least when it comes to buying presents because as any parent knows it's hell trying to buy toys when you have your little one with you and they can't have the toy right then and there. Will be doing this tomorrow or next weekend when my hubby can watch our son.

Then there's the not so exciting parts like the possibility of deployment and waiting to see the next time I'll have to wash the dogs paws because they won't stop digging in the freakin yard!  They have a new trench and boy oh boy do I wish I had the charger for the electronic collar because they're too far to throw a ball or get them distracted with something, one doesn't listen for crap, and both of them are stellar performers at covering their paws with caked on mud and then staring me right in the eye pleading to be let back inside while I'm fuming on the other side of the glass knowing full well that they require ANOTHER bath. I don't think I've ever washed these dogs paws so many times in one week or even a day! I can only imagine how thrilled my husband will be when he comes home and sees the masterpiece they've created in the yard. Although, to my defense, he is the one who left the charger back at a hunting place when we went home for Christmas. Anyway, there's so much going on and I just can't believe how much is going to be packed in one month! It seems like it's shaping up to be a good one, but a crazy one.

Is the glass half empty or half full?

When the winds of change come your way, you can embrace it or fight it. While I have many changes in my future, I hope that I can embrace those changes and learn from them. I am fortunate in many ways others are not, and I am unlucky in ways some are not. Either way you look at it we all have challenges to face and it's the way we face them that makes us who we are and makes us strong or weak.

I'm not what I would call a strong person when we comes to emotions such as keeping my cool or expressing my frustrations. I tend to bottle things inside and hold it in until I can't take it any longer. I have come to realize that that is one way of dealing with it and likely one way to eventually cause a major blowout when I should be searching for a way to solve the problem rather than exacerbate it.  I have watched my friends create their lives, be it traveling to far off lands, moving to other states and pursuing their dream, moving to other states and deciding that their dream is getting old and they need something else, or staying local and creating a family, even though it may not have been the timing they preferred. All and all you never know what your life will bring, but I've come to realize that it is what you make of it and you have to be strong and fight for what you want.

I am a military wife, I move when they say move, I find a job where they say I'm going to live, and I have children whether or not my husband can be there. It's not easy and often not fun, but I have realized that you have to attempt to embrace this life if you are going to make it. I will not always have this life and I do not always enjoy this life, but for now I can express my concerns to my husband, but my concerns will only be able to be resolved by him if they are on a more personal level because there's little he can do when the Army says jump, you jump.

I have a lot to discuss with my husband when he comes home and there will be a lot of decisions to be made when the Army decides to tell us what's going to happen in the next 6 months.  Things may get ugly, but at this point we are where we are and as a wife there's not much I can do short of complain to my husband, friends, and family. 

Throughout my life I've had a "glass is half empty" kind of attitude and I try to help myself by expecting the worst that way I can be surprised when I don't get the worst. However, I feel that sometimes this approach backfires, but it has helped me get through a few tough situations with deployments and such.

I think the best thing to do is to plan to the best of your ability, keep a positive attitude, and do everything in your power to get the things you want in life or time will pass you by and you'll be left wondering where it went. I have somethings I want, there are things I want to do, goals I have in mind, and soon I will set things in motion to get my life going on a track that will get me to a place where I want to be. Here's to keeping a positive attitude about everything and keeping an open mind...one thing that is very useful as a military spouse.

A vistor for tomorrow and hopefully some sleep soon!

Tomorrow I get to watch my sons friend and babysitters son. Should be interesting as I've not had the two boys here together all day by myself and I have no clue how her son will do when she leaves. Here's hoping the allure of the train table will help keep him happy!

This weekend I will finally get my other half back and I will finally feel like I can have a bit of freedom. I'm thinking I will go out and buy some birthday presents for my little guy and perhaps I'll take the time to shop for myself as well.

Nothing eventful happened today other than I went to Walmart and bought some groceries. I managed to make another batch of tasty calzones, but ended up with poached and seasoned chicken, peas and baked beans. I bought a can of baked beans a few weeks ago because it just sounded good and I never eat them...and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed them. Hunter seemed to like them, but did end up attempting to feed the last little bit to the dogs when I was cleaning up. Typical boy. He thinks it's great fun and he knows it will get a rouse out of me if I catch him. Ornery little guy. Well, after dinner we had our usual nighttime routine and the I watched one of my shows I like and hopped on here.  Now that I've made a post, I think I better go wash up some dishes, clean a little to make sure the house is ready for my boys friend and go to bed at a decent hour instead of 1am like I did last night...or this morning depending on how you look at it. Until tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Aching hips, my poor trashcan, and stripping Vegas!

Not much has happened in the last 24 hours. I managed to live through the tornado watch and howling winds that knocked my poor defenseless trash can over. Luckily all the trash was too scared to attempt an escape and stayed safely secured inside the trash can for the trashman this morning. Had I awoken before he arrived I would have checked on my poor trashcan and uprighted it so it still had it's dignity, but alas I was tucked in my warm bed enjoying the sleep. 

I did however, get one fond reminder of what pregnant life was like before...while enjoying my slumber I was awoken a few times as I usually do to turn over, but this time my typical uneventful turns were joined by that oh so nice aching pain deep in my bones of my hip.  The rain and wind didn't help sing me back to sleep, but I knew when I felt the aching that this was only the beginning. I knew after reading pregnancy books the first time that I would likely have some joint pain, but during my first pregnancy I think that was the worst part of the whole ordeal.

One doesn't normally sleep with 5 pillows all stuffed against and under your body so that you're entrenched in a sea of pillows, but when you have that joyful experience of pregnancy you learn to love your pillows and welcome them happily into your bed, much to your typical pillows envy. I have to say I was not expecting to have this pain so soon, but I know it will soon go from an ache to a wake you up and wish you could take meds for your aches every night kinda pain.  Guess the good thing is that I only have 5 months (aw man...5 months!) left and then it will fade away.

Well, all that aside, I still manage to do all that I did before my pregnancy with the exception of running due to my toddlers absolute refusal to sit in the stroller for an extended period of time...not to mention it's winter and he would likely hate being strapped in the stroller when it's 30 or 40 degrees out. Sunday marks the day my hubby comes home so I may try to take some time that day to try running with my big ol belly...which may no longer fit into most running gear, but we'll see. At least I can go for a walk if need be.  I am starting to have problems lifting somethings as my stomach muscles prepare to get stretched beyond recognition.  Sorry stomach, you just have to suck it up and deal cause we're in this for the long haul. 

I did however find a run that I do believe I will attempt in the future. While looking through some old magazines and ripping out articles I wanted to keep, but will probably totally forget about, I saw an add for a Strip Vegas or some other catchy title with the word STRIP in huge bold print. Basically it's a race in Vegas on the strip in December I believe and I thought, perhaps in a couple years when I'm not feeding my bundle of joy from my body every 2 hours, I might make the trip out there and just do this race. So I ripped out the add and stuck it in a binder as a reminder to myself to look this up. The big question then becomes who do I run with? I love to run and train for half marathons, but I do enjoy having a buddy to run with at least part of it. So we'll see who I can get to send me off and meet me at the finish line if I can't find a running buddy willing to travel. Now, for the past year I've been dreaming of the Disney World half marathon (one of a few of them they have) and I hope that I can one day do that, but I think I'll need to at least make a trip to Disney for a week and actually have the kids with me, which means that will be awhile.  Anyway, for now I'll dream of my running as I stare down at my growing belly and my disappearing feet. Ok, not there yet, but I will be!

True friends make you rich

Oddly enough, photos of a trip in 2004 showed up on facebook today, despite the friend having posted them about 8 years ago! I got a kick out of seeing some of them and sadly I'm not tagged in them currently because my name changed. While looking at those photos I'm reminded of what life was like back then. It's always been fascinating to think about where you'll be or what you'll be doing in 10 years and to be honest, I suppose I thought my life would be something like this, but never really thought I would have lived somewhere exotic, moved several times in one year, and bought a house that I will only live in for three. I did however figure if I was going to have kids I'd have them by now or at least have one by now and I knew having dogs was a must. I didn't expect to have three, nor did I expect them to be crazy, but I love them and they have their sweet calm moments every once in a while. 

While on my glorious 4 week stint in Australia I met a lot of great people and still maintain friendships with them via the great social network of facebook, but there's really only been one person that I have kept in touch with that has become a dear friend and means a great deal to me. Oddly enough, it was my one week in Fiji that made out meeting possible. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd end up chatting with a bloke from England while on some far away tropical excursion and I certainly never thought I'd end up chatting with him via email and skype more than I talk to my parents or my husband when he's deployed or in training! While our encounter was brief, only a few days, there was something that was certainly there between us and kept us talking to each other for years. After going back to the states and reuniting with my future husband, then boyfriend, I never thought I'd one day consider what life would have been like with my English gentleman.  I married my high school sweetheart and we joined the military (I say we because he joined it and I married into it, although not willingly). I suppose I thought we'd exchange a few emails and eventually would drift off into our own worlds across the pond from each other.  I hoped we didn't, but I'm terrible about maintaining contact with friends unless it's messages on facebook, I really don't call people or email them much. So to my surprise, we've become close friends and on some level we'd probably wish we were more than that, but that is another story entirely and I'm not getting into that. Honestly, he is a wonderful man and as you sit here reading this and enjoying your ridiculously hot days back in Australia I have no problems telling you just how great you are and what a blessing it has been to know you. Despite the attraction between us, which I felt from the first few days we knew each other, be it singing Christina songs by the fire, or just chatting about life under the stars, we were never married and nothing has ever happened between us. He is a true gentleman as he had many opportunities to make a move had he wanted to, but never did.  I only go off about all this, because as a married woman you'd think I'd be rambling off about my husband and my family, however here I sit, having only spoken to my husband twice in the past month and spoken to this Englishman nearly everyday. Not to mention I'm reading his book and laughing as some of his most embarrassing moments. I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that you can never value a true friend enough, they can be a lifeline, a rock, someone to make you laugh when all you want to do is cry, someone to dream with, someone to dream about, and someone to help you when you're down despite how hard it might be for them when it's helping out with your marital problems when I'm sure they'd rather you dump the guy.

Those photos I mentioned in the beginning included one from my trip in Fiji and he was in it. And even though I look dreadful, it's a photo I'll always enjoy looking at because I know what being there was like.  I've had many friends come and go and I was worried this man might have had too much to take when I told him I was engaged, then having a baby, then having another one, but he's stuck by my side and I thank him for that.

I know what it's like to have your heart ripped out and stomped on by your best friend because my best friend of 13 years did that to me in high school and it was heartbreaking to see her leave you behind to go off with her friends and become so involved in drugs that when you finally saw her after graduation she was a shell of the bubbly personality she was. I guess coke will do that to you. However, I have seen her again and once again facebook has allowed me to reconnect with her, but it was never the same and to this day I have only met with her twice since we reunited a couple years ago. I have moved away from my home, my family, my friends, to make a new life for myself, but in the end I always wish that I could go back to that inviting place called home where I have friends just a short drive away, my family is there if I want to see them, and I know where all the streets go because I grew up there and learned to drive there. Being a military spouse takes it's toll on you and there are good days and bad days, sometimes good weeks or months and bad ones as well. But the one thing I know I can always count on is my closest friends, to include my family. If you would have asked me twenty years ago who my best friends would be I would have had a completely different list and would have only dreamed of going to Australia, but today my list includes that man I met in Fiji, my mom, and a fellow military wife to name a few. I have learned that the one thing the truly matters in this world is the people you surround yourself with and not your worldly possessions, or the money in your bank account (granted those things make life a lot easier), if you can love yourself and surround yourself with people that love you, then you are rich no matter how much money is in the bank.